With the telemetry though, it's hard to argue that isn't about putting users first when so much of the aggressive nature of it seems to be a desire to get as large of a sample size as possible to do the best they can attempt to do the most good for the most users at a time.
I think with recent updates Microsoft continues to listen to the privacy concerns and find a balance between large sample size and genuine privacy explanations and opt-out powers. The new privacy OBE ("out of the box experience") for Fall Creators Update from what I saw of it in Windows Insider build pushes looks like positive steps in that direction.
As for updates, that is a rock and a hard place. I've not had trouble scheduling updates to times that are convenient to me and this is also something I think each Windows 10 update has gotten better at, but I can appreciate how upsetting it can be for those that have had issues with Windows scheduling updates for inconvenient times.
> With some updates even changing system settings
Many of these seem to be accidents and that this is also something that Microsoft (from watching Insider builds) seems aware of and is working to get better at. Some of these accidental settings wipes it felt like you could tell were artifacts of the move to the new "agile" update infrastructure of Windows 10. (Increasingly more "roll up" updates are like what a Windows Upgrade used to be, creating a new registry and C:\Windows entirely, copying important bits from the old ones before replacing them, and it's easy to forget things to copy/patch from the old install, especially new settings. Some of those should have been caught by more Insiders at the time, because almost all Insider builds are installed that way, but the Insiders are a self-selected subset of Windows users that admittedly have their own biases.)