Your kids will see internet porn. Deal with it. | Hacker News Reader

Your kids will see internet porn. Deal with it.

wired.com

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>We know these things are fake, that’s not the way the two people really interact. Kids have to be able to contextualize, to deconstruct it. Just like they need to do with other forms of media.

This is ascribing far too much agency to children. Adults have difficulty with this.

Harrumph. In my day, we found our porn tucked under mattresses, out in the woods, behind a wood panel in a shed, etc.

I feel like I should be hiding USB drives full of rather tame Playboy PDFs in the same places, maybe throw in a stray Hustler or Penthouse once in a while.

I love the stance many take on partaking in the activity. Like the first second of engagement will forever ruin their sexuality towards real human beings.

It's possible to separate reality from fantasy.

> It's possible to separate reality from fantasy.

I didn't realize until I was 17 year old that most people have an ability to "fantasize". That was a long time ago now, and I'm still imaginatively-challenged. I hope to have it figured out soon.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aphantasia

If I'd been able to fantasize, I certainly wouldn't have lost countless hours to looking at women on the internet. I've got over the compulsion about 6 months, even though I still don't have an imagination.

I suspect that the proper way to inoculate children against internet porn is to tell them mater-of-fact how reproduction works before they hit puberty, and help them develop their inner 'fantasy' world.

Coming from someone who lives in their own imagination most of the time, I feel a bit of pity for you; yet at the same time I am extremely jealous of your ability to reason with reality.

For an anti-aphantasiac, the obsession was mostly short-lived in the beginning stages of puberty. There's still plenty to do and obsess about as a pubescent child. My run-ins and conversations with teenage boys and girls are still quite normal, considering they have such an immense resource to gather these tidbits from - they conduct themselves quite normally and with poise. Perhaps there's a line drawn at obsessing for hours over something similar to the topic in question, but as far as I know the majority of partakers use it for what it is - and move on, similar to pre-internet sources.

Regarding children, you may have a good point, but consider when you think is a good time to start talking; because in my experience the kids already know well enough about the topic through word-of-mouth, even before puberty starts to take hold of hormones.

A better title might be, "Your kids will see internet porn. HOW TO deal with it."

Isn't wired highly pro-censorship when it comes to offensive speech?

Why should people "deal with" porn on the internet and yet the internet should be scrubbed of "offensive" speech?

Maybe I'm mistaken about wired being pro-censorship. But people seem to cherrypick what they find offensive and what should be censored.

Related: http://fightthenewdrug.org/

> Fight the New Drug exists to provide individuals the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding pornography by raising awareness on its harmful effects using only science, facts, and personal accounts.

LOL. Gotta be a tech dad to block porn.

I predict this is going to cause tremendous social problems in the upcoming decades.

We're already seeing the problems. The Alt-right was breeding in forums where single frustrated men were going to vent. Why they are single and frustrated is something to be studied, but if you read some of their posts, it's really clear that they have expectations for relationships that come straight out of porn: submissiveness and insatiability.

Those threads and /r/TheRedPill are disturbing. They feel insulted that women are choosing other partners over them, as if a stable income is all that is necessary to be entitled to the girl of your choice.

When their socially inept advances are rebuffed, blame is cast on the media and on a feminist cabal agenda to emasculate men. Instead of trying to connect on a human level or looking in the mirror at what might need improving, society becomes the problem.

Men have been sexually frustrated for centuries. The only thing that's new is that the internet exists so all the sexually frustrated men can sit around and complain together.

That's a huge difference. In communities there's validation of your view

I predict that its rise will be found to be caused by tremendous social problems that we are refusing to acknowledge. IMHO, it's a symptom, not a disease.

I wish parents would solve the general problem: your kids will $EXPERIENCE_LIFE, therefore educate/encourage/sometimes-protect/whatever as appropriate instead of defaulting to “hell no” and “protect kids from everything in existence” (as parents today seem to do).

Excess time is devoted to certain hot topics such as porn/sex and it’s ridiculous, especially when it means not spending any time at all on dozens of other things that are also important for children. “Gee, little Jimmy is an absolute terror and doesn’t even know how to make himself a sandwich but at least he hasn’t seen any porn! (And he still has.)”

And to be blunt, parents need to stop being children. You’re supposed to be helping a child to become an adult, and if all we’re worried about is how much trouble the parent is having then what is happening to the child?

I think one of the causes of poor parenting is that families are more spread out, people are more isolated in general, and you have fewer children.

Back in the day when people had 3, 4, 5 kids, a lot of folks would remember younger siblings. If most of your parents' siblings all lived in the same town, you'd have lots of younger cousins, and see them often. If you went to church and were active in the community, you'd get to know a lot of parents and children all over town.

All this exposure to your family's kids, other people's kids and other people's parenting styles would give people a basic education in what to do, and what not to do, by example.

Personally, I've reached my current age without ever having to babysit or change a diaper. I don't know a thing about the practicalities of parenting. A lot of people are probably in the same boat.

So it makes sense that some parents would be at a total loss and make poor decisions.

Having more children just gives higher probability to those children experiencing things without supervision or narrative (The concept of being outnumbered - which is TOTALLY a real thing and something you don't even really consider going from 2 to 3+ children). I think that has more sway in this than isolation and familial sprawl.

> Personally, I've reached my current age without ever having to babysit or change a diaper.

Congrats.

> I don't know a thing about the practicalities of parenting. A lot of people are probably in the same boat.

Don't worry, it's a learned skill. No matter what bookstores tell you, it doesn't come with a manual.

Didn't downvote; I honestly don't see much wrong with what you said. But we're talking about hot topics here like parenting, so I guess I get it.

> And to be blunt, parents need to stop being children. You’re supposed to be helping a child to become an adult...

This is a huge takeaway and something that should be bolded.

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