Hey, guess what happens when you tell someone you work in programming in a large (tech) city? They immediately write you out of their life as someone who is A) boring and B) working 24/7 anyways.
Typecasting sucks.
Maybe this is something that has been changing recently - I hear people griping about "brogrammers" now, though I've never actually met one, so far as I know. And perhaps Burning Man culture is not the binding force it used to be, now that the event has gone mainstream.
It did take me at least a year before I really started making any friends here, but my experience has been that... once you find your way in, you're in.
Yep, that's been 100% my experience. I don't know what a "brogrammer" is, only that apparently I am one and they are scum. And I've been here for 3 years. It's been getting worse; two years ago people would at least talk to me for more than a few minutes at a time. One year ago people would grudgingly give me a chance, but you could see them clocking out once tech stuff came up.
This year, the resentment is palpable. And I'm so tired of putting in so much and ... I just can't do this anymore.
So mission accomplished; congratufuckinglations.
And I'll bet you dislike Trump's anti-immigration policies, to boot. So do I, but unlike people here I put my money where my mouth is.
Every tech worker in Seattle and SF is able to afford the very high rents in those cities while the local population cannot. They are absolutely being pushed out by the influx of these people who are raising the pricing floor.
I don't know anybody in this city who I don't work with. I have never had more than one conversation with someone who I wasn't about to pay for something.
It's awful. It's so lonely. And I've never run into this issue in other places. I work less than 9-5 and have hobbies outside of work, but...nothing.
There's a big problem with taking a city and shoving a bunch of milquetoast bland new grads in. People hate them, and eventually grow a filter to just ignore them. You'll never convince them that you're any different; it's a waste of time trying.
And then the third class was cancelled for lack of sign-ups.
I have BEEN trying, constantly, and it doesn't matter at all.
I think that's the main problem. If you found people who shared your interests, it wouldn't matter what they thought about your job. Assuming there really isn't anyone in your city that shares your interests (or few enough that means finding them is prohibitively difficult), then your only recourse might be to move elsewhere... absent finding new interests, heh.
I've never run into this issue. But, not making friends in a new city may just mean it's a personality issue vs a friend making issue.
Have you tried dating apps? They have a friend option.
It's baffling and honestly distressing; I've made friends before in other places. I don't have political views anathema to how most people in the area think. I try to be respectful and unobtrusive and kind. I honestly moved here thinking it'd be full of weirdos like me. I dunno, maybe that's the problem.
And don't even get me started on dating apps.
Just off the top of my head one thing that comes to mind is that age might play a role. I've noticed that making new friends in a new place has been more difficult since I entered my thirties.
Another could definitely be culture. While I believe almost every city beyond a certain size will have 'pockets' of particular types of people, and thus that it should be possible to make friends anywhere, I've definitely found that in some places my kind of crowd is kind of 'hidden' within the more popular culture(s). This seems to be more an issue in smaller cities, but still.
Anyways, I didn't mean to insult you or treat you like a specimen, so I'm sorry if that's how I came across. I'd honestly love to talk about this more if you're open to it. If so, you can find my email address on my profile.
Again, sorry for upsetting you! I hope things improve for you.
I agree that going to art classes, language classes, etc are a good way to meet people - I do wonder if the people there are more likely to want to discuss their passions rather than their jobs (hopefully). Might even be less flaky since it's hopefully activities they find more interesting than work.
If you want someone to talk to in the area, feel free to shoot me an email (throwaway account here).
Just move to New York.
Or would it be fair for me to assume that you also think black cops are targeting white citizens for unfair arrests?
I mean yes, many cops are corrupt and if you're black and in a poor neighborhood the cops can shoot you for anything, but that doesn't really have to do with marijuana laws specifically.
Personally I think it's better for social anxiety than alcohol - sativa strains, anyways - but it's not always that easy.
But I'd be happy with a close friend who was capable of...oh, say talking and rational thought. At some point I want to write, and I dunno, it seems like you need to really understand people to write well. That's not gonna be easy when the only interaction people will afford me without scowling is complementing their dog.
People here aren't even interested in talking about their interests.