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Comment by Swizec | Hacker News Reader

> My friends will actively invite me (I don't use facebook) to events if they want me there.

The part where you get left out is when someone from your squad sees a cool event and decides to go. They're going regardless of who else is going, but it would be nice to have some friends there.

So they post in the squad group chat "Hey I'm going to this event, anyone in?" aaaaand that's about it as far as organization goes. If you're in you're in, if you're not, that's fine too.

Not every event warrants personally inviting everyone you'd like to see there. Personally inviting people is for small primarily gatherings, not for more casual larger stuff.

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> casual larger stuff

casual isn't friendship. My friends and I, hang out because we enjoy each others company and like to do things together. Not to invite people because we are lonely.

Plus, I don't mind being "left out" or "missing something". As I get older, it's just not worth the hassle

> casual isn't friendship

Why not? People are busy. They have jobs and partners and pets and sometimes kids. All of that takes time and attention.

These days I talk less to my closest friends than I did to my farthest acquaintances in high school or even college. It's kinda sad but that's just how it is. And trying to get together face-to-face? LoL, it can take months to align our schedules.

And when it comes to larger stuff. Sometimes you just wanna organize a birthday party or something for everyone, you know? If I want to invite you to a party like that, are we not friends?

> If I want to invite you to a party like that, are we not friends

Acquaintances or good acquaintances.

I think this boils down to each person's definition of friends and friendship along with the amount of social interaction each person needs.

I need very little social interaction, so I tend to keep close friends and not much else. I know others who always like to be around someone. They don't care much who it is, and they generally have looser terms for friendship.

Also, face-to-face isn't required. Hop on discord or skype, or just send them a text message. If they are a close friend and you enjoy their company, you should try to keep the lines of communication open.

> Acquaintances or good acquaintances.

So I'm throwing a party with just acquaintances and no friends are coming? That feels weird.

> I need very little social interaction

Me too. Which is why I tend to keep to myself, and throw a huge rager for as many people as I can get to show up a couple times per year.

Maybe I don't really have any close friends anymore, the definition gets muddy when most everyone you used to consider a close friend is now a 12 hour flight away and you never really get to see them anymore.

But my point is that when I'm organizing a party, I want everyone. Acquaintances and close friends alike. It feels weird that just because I'm organizing a larger event, that should automatically make everyone I invite a not-friend. Usually I'd like a mix.

> So I'm throwing a party with just acquaintances and no friends are coming? That feels weird.

Sorry, I took the inverted view of this. If you are inviting me, most likely I am an acquaintance.

I don't throw parties, but I do like to hang out, so generally I just invite friends over. Just friends. When I do throw a party, it's mostly for someone else and so is definitely mostly acquaintances.

> Maybe I don't really have any close friends anymore, the definition gets muddy when most everyone you used to consider a close friend is now a 12 hour flight away and you never really get to see them anymore.

Don't take this the wrong way, but this is depressing. Some of my good friends I have actually never seen in real life. Distance doesn't mean you can't be friends. But I do make a point to talk with them once a week (we game together) unless someone is gone on a vacation or something like that. I remember a time when I didn't have any real friends and it put me adrift. I would highly recommend that you try and give them a call, or shoot them a text.

> Distance doesn't mean you can't be friends. But I do make a point to talk with them once a week (we game together) unless someone is gone on a vacation or something like that.

I know, I too have some close friends that I only saw in person many years after we became friends. We do have an IRC channel for a lot of these friends, but the 9 hour time difference seems to really throw a wrench into things.

Especially now that people have gotten lives. They close the computer after work (which is when I start waking up) and go do stuff with their partners. When they're online and chattering away, is most often when I'm asleep.

So yeah distance doesn't matter at all in my experience, but timezone difference matters a lot.

That said, these are not friends I would invite to a huge party anyway because they're too far to make it. We hang out when we're on the same continent.

> > Acquaintances or good acquaintances.

> So I'm throwing a party with just acquaintances and no friends are coming? That feels weird.

> But my point is that when I'm organizing a party, I want everyone. Acquaintances and close friends alike. It feels weird that just because I'm organizing a larger event, that should automatically make everyone I invite a not-friend.

I'm really confused now, do you invite your friends that are not FB users, or not?

Or do you claim that you have zero friends that are not FB users?

Do you require all your friends to be on FB? What about the ones who quit, do they just drop off your radar or something?

> I need very little social interaction

Don't let that stop you from telling others how to socialize correctly!

Is friendship a good thing?

Shouldn't we encourage others to have deeper, more meaningful relationships?

How does going to some event because you noticed an acquintance is going mean you won't have meaningful relationships? Those have to start somewhere too

> These days I talk less to my closest friends than I did to my farthest acquaintances in high school or even college. It's kinda sad but that's just how it is.

Well, at least now you have your FB to collectively like and share away your sorrows. I'm sure you feel less sad while you're on it.

> If I want to invite you to a party like that, are we not friends?

If you do not invite me to this party just because I don't use FB? What do you think yourself? Would you call yourself my friend?

I mean if you forget, ok. But if you keep forgetting, yes that is how friendships wither and die. This is a natural thing. If it feels like a painful idea to lose someone's friendship that way, watering it is really one of the easiest things to do. If instead it feels like it is a hard thing to do, then ask yourself and consider what you really fear losing? (probably something other than friendship--not necessarily bad)

You can of course use FB to connect with friends. But, like alcohol, you cannot justify lack of FB to justify not connecting with your friends.

I think it's pretty bad to restrict this sort of communication (which nowhere requires anything remotely like FB use) to a singular communication channel and actively hampering any attempts to transparently include other methods that do not not involve FB use.

And the buck doesn't stop at FB or its developers, now you are forcing other people start using, too.

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