I think you're describing the difference between a suburban town vs. a suburban bedroom community. The latter usually lacks services and amenities [1] or a real sense of community, so on the weekends you're forced to commute just to get a good meal.
Luckily both exist -- often times the sweet spot is to live near downtown + transit of a smaller town. Then you get a faster commute, some walkability, and the option to do things in town as well.