But sometimes I got to bed thinking that it could be wrong, and I could do better.
It seems like.. well, it seems like there's a lot more struggle than is necessary. I wish I could explain this a little more clearly. I'll get back to this comment in a while. Thank you!
That's not the right way to live life. You need to find your passion in work. It's a lot like finding love. You might fall a lot of times, but remember, when you find about what you are most passionate about, and what you really want to be and do, you will have much more fun and lead a much satisfying life, than worrying about the news, and quiestioning some of your best decisions. Also, hate to repeat it, but you probably need to really hear these:
Grass always looks greener on the other side.
All in all you just need some focus. You say you do some Js hacking. Why not buy this book, Jquery in action, second edition. Hack some cool shit, and real soon you will be able to see a new world, a world where you control a lot of the browser through very little code. A world, where you can make whatever you want using awesome jquery ui interactions, and make those web apps you always wanted to.
If you are devoid of ideas (which I doubt), shoot me an email.