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Comment by acangiano | Hacker News Reader

The lesson here is: marriage is a very risky proposition, particularly if you are male or much richer (even just potentially) than your partner.

(PS: Much respect for Musk.)

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The lesson here is: marriage is a very risky proposition

That depends who you are, who you're marrying, and where you live. Divorces are only this expensive and drawn out in a handful of countries, and milking your ex-partner for all they're worth is a similarly non-universal trait.

Further, some people simply don't have this mentality or a single retributory bone in their body. Those are the people you marry.

Guess you'd better be psychic enough or psychologist enough to be able to assess someone's "retributory bones" ...or their ability to grow them when they feel aggrieved against you.

Psychic or just being a perceptive partner in a long term relationship heading toward a life-long commitment.

People can change over time in ways you wouldn't anticipate, but if you marry someone only once you know them deeply (and if you don't, you deserve what you get), you should be reasonably confident of what sort of person they are or could become.

> People can change over time in ways you wouldn't anticipate, but if you marry someone only once you know them deeply (and if you don't, you deserve what you get), you should be reasonably confident of what sort of person they are or could become.

"Reasonably confident" is a remarkably weak threshold for putting half of one's future wealth on the line. What else does one deserve to get, as "punishment" for not being sufficiently perceptive of a future spouse's character?

> "Reasonably confident" is a remarkably weak threshold for putting half of one's future wealth on the line.

Half of your wealth is very very small compared to losing custody of your kids. If she leaves, the legal system will almost always make sure she gets the kids. Unless you have kids, it's difficult to understand how horrible this is for dads.

I don't think blaming Elon Musk for not being a perceptive guy makes sense. If it's too hard for someone smart like him to be sufficiently perceptive to avoid this problem, then it's a huge risk for almost everyone.

It's quite possible that his attention was focused elsewhere, like say on Tesla and SpaceX, and that is why he's getting divorced now.

Smart people aren't universally smart. They're smart at the things that they choose to be smart at. I know a few brilliant people that are geniuses at their chosen field and yet wouldn't notice if their spouse went off to Vegas without them.

It can be a risk. But a good partner can also be an asset. In the book The Millionaire Next Door, many of the interviewees credit their spouses (usually a wife) for helping them succeed and keeping expenses low.

You still have to pick the right partner, but if you can do that, it could be a big plus.

But hey, I'm getting married next month, so take what I say with a grain of salt ;)

> But hey, I'm getting married next month, so take what I say with a grain of salt ;)

I'm happily married (6 years in October) and I believe my wife is a great asset to me. However, I believe that marriage remains a major financial and emotional risk.

>marriage remains a major financial and emotional risk

Things that genuinely make your life better typically are.

Yes, like entrepreneurship.

Get romantically married, but don't sign a contract with the government! By not singing some paperwork you can both avoid of alot of problems (but not all). Frame it like this: honey, I want to get married with you, not sign a business contract with you. Or I want to get married with you, not with the government too!

No hospital visitation rights, insurance benefits, etc. Just saying.

That's like an old southern saying, "I'll meet you at the church. But I ain't going through the door with you"

But hey, I'm getting married next month, so take what I say with a grain of salt ;)

Congratulations :) In spite of the subject matter of this story, let's send well-wishes ahead of a joyful and successful marriage for you both.

Thank you, I appreciate it :)

We've been together 7 years and living together over a year, so I don't feel like it's too much of a gamble.

Risky, yes. But worth every bit of it if you marry a good one.

Have you been divorced and milked out of your hard earned money? If not, how would you know if it's worthed?

Have you been married to a wonderful spouse and had your life enriched beyond belief? If not, how would you know the risk is not worth it?

I didn't argue either for or against marriage, he is the one who said its worthed. The assumption you take out from someone when he says something is worthed, is that they have experienced both extreme of the experience.

As for me, no I have not been married to a wonderful spouse and I am sure for every bad experience like Elon's you will find 4 good experiences (my parents have been married for 40+ years). But to answer your question, if its worthed to be married to someone for 10+ years and then getting divorced and finding out that she is sucking the last penny out of you for the rest of your life is NOT worthed; AFAI am concerned. I don't care how much bliss you had for that 10 years or so.

For every bad experience like Elon's you will find around .7 good ones. Statistically, anyways.

> for every bad experience like Elon's you will find 4 good experiences (my parents have been married for 40+ years).

You are mixing up duration and quality.

Ok let me rephrase that for you:

My parents have been happily married (to the best of my knowledge) for the last 40 years. If they are not happy, they are damn good at hiding it and goes way out of their way to make sure the kids never find out

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