The Science of Passionate Sex
blogs.scientificamerican.com
blogs.scientificamerican.com
The most important factor is that both people care for sex to be good, though I don't agree that both people might be looking for the exact same thing; being able to give each other what each wants without giving up your own needs and desires is probably the hard part.
My definition of good sex is uninhibited and athletic with a committed emotional component.
There is a 'spiritual' aspect to sex that I have not experienced much but that is because it seemed laborious and counter-intuitive.
"There is a 'spiritual' aspect to sex that
I have not experienced much but that is because
it seemed laborious and counter-intuitive."
TL;DR of the book: ejaculate less often, be more awake during sex.
[0] https://www.amazon.fr/Enlightened-Sex-Manual-Sexual-Superior...
The whole ejaculate less and be more awake thing I can scarcely contemplate seriously. If all it comes down to is satisfying your partner while wide eyed and eager for 'great sex' you are sadly mistaken and won't convince anyone other than sad sacks looking for formula.
Companion article from Scientific American:
The Science of Passionate Sex
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/the-sci...
Short on details. Should have explained factors that contribute to obsessive or harmonious sexuality. Not really much one can do with this article.
That sounds nice, but it's a load of baloney. I would wager that most people over the age of 20 (25?, 30?) have experienced a significant relationship(s) where the sex tends to be passionate (and frequent) at the very beginning, and tapers off and becomes less frequent, less passionate, more boring as time goes on (and years drag by). In fact, that is the typical progression of sex in a committed, caring relationship. So, no, I would not say that the key is "actually caring about the person".
I haven't read the linked article yet, but the subject reminds me of some work done by a psychologist named David Schnarch, who has built a career and written several books on the subject. These include a book called _Passionate Marriage_, intended as self-help for a lay audience, and _Constructing the Sexual Crucible_, which is more of a technical handbook for therapists and counselors.
See http://passionatemarriage.com/
http://passionatemarriage.com/catalog/15
Alain de Botton also examines the issue in a similar way on the impressive "Book of Life" website. E.g., he says:
"In a wiser world, we would collectively admit that the very rare cases where love and sex did run together were astonishing exceptions with no relevance whatsoever to most of our lives. We would instead learn to pay admiring attention to those who had accepted with a reasonable show of dignity and grace that the natural price of long-term togetherness is a decline in the quality and frequency of sexual contact – and that this is, in a great many cases, a price very much worth paying."
Is it possible to accept that and remain monogamous?
Because for many, when one is bored with their current partner, passionate sex is just an affair away.
I think this is something very personal and varies from person to person. To some sex in a long-term relationship is important, to some it isn't. Some hop from partner to partner, some stay committed for decades. There's probably not a one-size-fits-all and there doesn't have to be.
Biologically and historically this is far from being so. Among animals, sex is often aggressive rather than "caring"; the history of humans, too, shows that opportunities of this nature arise from a fierce competition and also from what effectively amounts to slavery.
I'm married now but the most passionate sex I ever had in my life was a one night stand with someone I only knew in passing and haven't seen since.