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Comment by xchefhatx | Hacker News Reader

At some point we have to stop using "the wife" as an excuse. I can't tell you how many times a friend has used "the wife" as an excuse for...

not starting a project, not finishing a project, not learning something new, not starting a lifestyle business, not investing, not changing their career, not leaving a sucky job

It's not the wife, it's you.

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If my husband risked our financials to the point that our 2 years old have to live in car while I am pregnant, the hell I would object. Financial misfortune or unemployment or not having choice is one thing, being irresponsible to that level just because you want to "feel like special doer" quite another.

Sometimes it is not the wife, sometimes it is the wife. And other times it is being responsible and considering consequences of your actions on your children before taking action.

This. My partner has no problem supporting me and I her; but we work together. And we don't take stupid risks just so that I can feel the thrill of competition.

I compete at my job -- I compete with myself to do better, to improve the company against all the challenges set before me, to provide more for my family.

There's nothing special about being an entrepreneur other than the privilege and ability to take serious financial risks.

This comment swings way too far in the other direction-- of course there is more to being an entrepreneur than privilege. That might help give you a chance at success, but it doesn't come remotely close to making that success a reality!

Unsuccessful entrepreneur is still an entrepreneur. Somehow the image of entrepreneurs tend to be someone who succeeded in the end, but plenty did not and they should count too - whether the cause was own mistake or bad luck.

I agree that there are also entrepreneurs that are not privileged and basically can afford risks because it can not get worst. And also enterpreners that don't take unreasonable financial risks - if you know you can get well paid job whenever you want to (as a coder or in friends/familly company) then it is less of risk.

Nevertheless, an original attempt to label responsible decision making as "excuse" and stigmatize it in favour of "following passion" or proving whatever to yourself or other emotions based decision was misguided. I don't know why some people treat it as decision you are supposed to make no matter what circumstances and skills. If they are really naturally ok with it, they should not need others to make the same decision.

People do definitely use their spouses and children to avoid taking on risks, but the fallout from a failed start-up can be devastating and many parents would (very reasonably) wish to shield their kids from that kind of instability. Especially if you're not in a financially secure place to begin with.

It's tough to suss out when a person is or isn't be too risk-adverse in general though. It may be impossible, in fact.

I find this unnecessarily aggressive and dismissive of people's (willfully chosen) social responsibilities. Yes, "the wife" is a convenient excuse for many things, including why you can't go out drinking tonight, even though you're really just tired from work and don't want to admit it. But presumably, if you're a decent person who has chosen to marry in this day and age, you take that choice seriously and choose your risks carefully.

I kind of see the point you are making, that some people don't do things that are good for them because they let their wife says no.

That said, I think you miss the point ABCLAW is making. A lot of people care highly about making sure that their family is taken care. This keeps them from risking everything on starting on a start-up.

As an aside, I see the options as 1) find a 8-5 I enjoy, get paid well enough to support my family and enjoy the extra time with them. 2) Start a company, work 80+ hours a week for >2 years for a <5% chance to never have to work again.

For me and my family 1 is a much more appealing option

>> it's not the wife, it's you

Also, anyone who thinks "I couldn't/didn't/wouldn't because ... " and hides behind those excuses, should read Charles-Bukowski's air-and-light-and-time-and-space (https://www.brainpickings.org/2013/10/04/charles-bukowski-ai...)

ZenPencils on air-and-light-and-time-and-space, for a more delightful read. (https://i0.wp.com/www.brainpickings.org/wp-content/uploads/2...)

This. If other people asked you whether you can start a project or not, and you reply using "wife" as an excuse, accept it for what it is. An excuse. I had met entrepreneur types that replied either yes or no, straight forward and no detour replies.

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