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You might google site:news.ycombinator.com , because you guys aren't the first nor the last to have this problem.

So the conclusion is to either not do it for years or make a sham marriage. I have no idea how someone could be unsatisfied by this previous advice:)

It really does seem to be a rather mysterious process if you're this far out of the norm though. I'm sure every additional datapoint will help.

That's because it is a mysterious process -- so much of it seems to be at the discretion of the USCIS examiner. I think the best advice is to consult an immigration lawyer. Not only because they know about the law (which I find is actually pretty hit and miss) but having a letter from a lawyer included in your application gives you a little more legitimacy.

My observation is that an immigration lawyer adds a lot more legitimacy. This suggests the hypothesis that US immigration is, de facto, a two-tier system: those who can afford the right lawyer are on an unofficial fast track. This is a de facto and not a de jure distinction because it would be politically unacceptable.

This hypothesis has the advantage of explaining the system's byzantine complexity, which often seems irrational: it's a membrane. The upper tier of candidates (those with lawyers) are able to penetrate the membrane more readily than the lower tier.

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