I have the opposite problem: I have a 1st gen iPad that still has all the old apps we used on it, but it sat on a shelf for a year and now the battery won't charge. I've tried all the little tricks scattered across the 'net and nothing. I can get the screen to power up to the "Connect to iTunes" logo, but it won't charge in that mode and won't boot the OS off the charger alone.

I'd love to get it running, as you said it's still a very capable device and if nothing else would be a good digital newspaper for the bedside. Unfortunately, I think it's toast and I'm going to have to send it to the recycler.

They still sell Android tablets? Who buys them?

Also it's more than a little weird to expect a V1 product in its genre, from 2010, to still be useful 7 years later. I think your expectations are all messed up here.