Comment by alttab | Hacker News Reader

Comment by alttab | Hacker News Reader

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1. Glamour: "I want to be recognized"

2. Love for gaming: "I love gaming, why would I leave?"

3. Love for sports: "I love sports, I enjoy it."

4. Guilt: "I feel like I'm cheating the company"

What a great list of selfish bull-crap. The woman in the article ended with how much it effects not just the person - but your family and the people who care about you. Sure, you have a handful of reasons to stay, but what about your kids who have grown up for the last 4 years without you? What about your wife that hasn't had a romantic, stressless dinner and a night out in 5 months? What about your parents, who never get to even talk to you on the phone anymore?

Staying for any other reason in an environment like that, whatever your interests are, is piggish, self-centered, and short sighted.

What makes you think your family would stick around for that? They don't get the glamor, they probably don't love gaming as much, sports is a hit or miss, and you'd have another thing coming if you really believed the "guilt" option.

There are many career paths which are pretty bad for family. By that logic something like a job in the defence force or as a sports star or travelling reporter would all end up in the same boat. Their families have every right to decide it's not for them and leave but equally the person being employed has ever right to choose what they want to do, it's their life.

I'm guessing you're not married and don't have kids? In general, children don't have the right to decide that their parents' lifestyle isn't for them and leave.

But the bigger point is that the kind of mindset you're espousing ("It's my life, I'll do whatever I want without regard for my family") doesn't really work.

I agree, but just wanted to point out that the opposite approach (allowing the needs of your family to completely subjugate all of your own lifestyle/work dreams) is also an awful mistake that doesn't work either.

As with most things, a balance is what's needed.

Their families have every right to decide it's not for them and leave but equally the person being employed has ever right to choose what they want to do, it's their life.

This encompasses my point perfectly: you are acknowledging no one can tell you what to do, at blind disregard to consequences outside of yourself. This is the definition of self-centered.

"As long as I'm happy and my family puts up with it, its OK" is being a mediocre person. If you want to live that lifestyle, don't have a family. Otherwise, get your act together and behave like you actually want the responsibilities you've signed up for.

Having a family isn't based on "logic." What you do up until the point you get married or have kids is 100% your prerogative, and I agree with you on that. The minute you sign up for that extra life-stuff, you are changing your "logic." It becomes emotional, it becomes about others. Having a family and continuing to act like you don't is immature.

The down votes I'm receiving reflects the young nature of Hacker News and I accept that. Some of you will get married and have kids and eventually understand where I'm coming from, the rest of you may have wives like the OP.

You're right, and you shouldn't be getting downvoted for that post.

We all know that the levels of overtime described in the EA Spouse post are both unproductive and unhealthy, so it's a case of sacrificing one's health, the quality of one's work, AND one's family FOR AN EXECUTIVE. NO ONE wins in that situation. NO ONE. The company loses, because morale is in the toilet and the code quality is crap. The employee loses because he's sitting in an office 12+ hours a day and doesn't have time or energy to stay healthy. The family loses because they're missing a parent.

On top of everything else, the customer loses because they end up with a buggy and non-innovative title implemented by people too burned out to enjoy or care about it.

(For a number of years, EA had a reputation for producing clones of its own products. It's hardly any wonder why.)

I'm really disappointed that you're getting voted down so far. You're absolutely right, and hopefully the people who don't get that aren't married with kids. My wife and I both grew up in families where our parents gave a damn, and I can't begin to express how grateful I am. Living in a family where my parents both just thought they could do whatever they wanted without regard for anyone else would have been hell, and probably wouldn't have survived long.

Ever heard of compersion?

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