I have also begun to look at the world reductively, sense + state, as you said. It helps.
What I found is most powerful, however, is to fall in love, then to focus on building intimacy.
Not very scientific, I know. But I think we can all agree that being in love is a wonderful feeling. The problem with love science is that love feels out of control and science requires tight controls to measure and validate results.
There is no way to do this with love, thankfully, but it works.
In the process, I have come to accept my faults and helped my partner to accept hers. Through mutual understanding and support, we have been able to grow together through shared experiences.
We have also had our share of arguments, and we have both given in to moments of human weakness and self-destructive behavior. But, through accepting responsibility for those off moments, apologies, and forgiveness, we have only grown closer. If we never fought, we wouldn't recognize how good we have it otherwise.
I would make one addition to your beautiful comment by suggesting that the ultimate answer does not lie within.
The answer to anger and host of other issues lies in the deep, time-tested reflection of who we are in another person's eyes.
This is especially true when a person feels unworthy of love.