Your final statement is demonstrably incorrect.
Facebook (haxl), Microsoft (Bond), Google (ganeti), Target for supply chain automation, Bank of America (Haskell is being used for backend data transformation and loading), standard chartered, Prezi, Android bump (http://devblog.bu.mp/post/40786229350/haskell-at-bump), At&t (automate processing of internet abuse complaints).
The final statement the parent responded to was, "so far, statically typed FP with Sum Types and Pattern Matching and Immutability seems to be the cure." That Haskell can be used to write real software, and that it is, in fact, used by a few projects in the real world, is no demonstration of it being a cure to anything any more than Go's use in far more project is a demonstration of it being an even better cure. That those Haskell projects don't seem to do significantly better than others, does, however, seem to demonstrate that it is not a cure.
As I read it, the "self serving academic noodling", while too harsh an assertion (as some real-world Haskell users do enjoy working with it), does not refer to Haskell being useless, but to Haskell not seeming to substantiate the strong claims made by some of its fans; at least not in any striking, self-evident way. Haskell is a fine programming language, but touting it as the cure to our problems is a bit premature.