I feel your pain. In fact, the reason why bitcoin took cryptographers so long to come up with is the sheer inelegance of the scheme: normally you want the attacker to have to expend exponentially more resources to crack your security. Not just slightly more (ie 51% of the total).
The bitcoin design sat in a blind spot, perhaps deservedly though.
However, history has parallels: digging up gold out of the ground is enormously wasteful just to use it as a currency. Paper mostly does the job just as well. But just like bitcoin, the very expense can buy you certain security features. 'Gold' is the original proof of work?
History however also shows solutions: for commodity money, fractional reserve banking was one. For example, at its heyday the Scottish free banking system had a gold-reserve ratio of about 2% and was virtually crisis free. So the expense of digging up gold was all else being equal reduced by 98% compared to using gold directly for all trades.
Now, I wonder how widespread fractional reserve banking would work for bitcoin. At the moment, bitcoin exchanges holding your money in escrow come closest to the kind of institutions that could start this kind of banking for bitcoin.
I also don't know how fractional reserve banking would impact the price of bitcoin and the incentives for mining. As a bigger proportion of transactions would be off the bitcoin chain, eg mediated by trusted third-parties, mining incentives would perhaps go down?