2 Choices For Rates And Cheap Isn't One Of Them

I've helped out my mother in her business for years, on evenings and weekends. Overall, I haven't found it a good experience, mainly because of two issues.

Firstly, I really don't have the time to put her affairs in order (and keep them that way), only enough to put out fires. I do get paid, but it's really not a matter about money. As you say, it then begins to pollute the relationship with that person, since you can no longer spend time with them normally.

Secondly, it's quite painful to see bad decisions being made against your advice when it's someone you know and care about. It also makes the motivation to put out fires much lower, since you know there'll always be more on the way...

Having chatted to friends, I understand that the situation becomes much easier where both parties have some kind of help they can trade with each other, instead of most of the help going one way.

For me, family is easy. It is our custom to charge each other full rates, period. Saves a lot of bad feelings.

For friends, I usually request some kind of equivalent work for trade, or full rates. For example, I'll clean up your viruses if you'll mow my lawn (or paint a room, give the gf a manicure, whatever). I suspect it would work for family, too, if I needed it to.

I can totally relate. I spend way too much time helping my Mom which aggravates the hell out of me because she has been using a PC since Win 3.1 and she still can't remember the easiest of tasks. Thankfully she has friends to help her with her financial reporting (she is treasurer for 2 non-profits) and her desktop publishing, but no matter how many times I tell her to stop installing free cursors and such it seems I need to clean her system out regularly. She is like the lady who calls tech support only to discover that her PC isn't even turned on lol But I could never charge her. She is my Mom. Now my sister on the other hand pays too many consultants too much but only wants free advice from me which I give casually. The few times she has asked me to do serious work she has balked even when I low balled her on the price. So she continues to spend too much for too little because she won't hire her little brother.

Friends ask for help all the time and I just dispense advice. I am not creating anything for free unless I have an emotional investment in the project and honestly I have always been uncomfortable charging friends. The friendship is what matters and a formal biz relationship can really stress it out at times. If I were you I would make it a policy to not work for family and friends and then make exceptions on a case by case basis if you feel inclined.