isn't about their appearance
- Your new hairstyle is amazing, who's your hairdresser, I need to go there.
- Wow, looks like you've been working out hard recently, great definition on your upper arms, can you recommend some good workouts?
- That top you are wearing, where did you get it? It's amazing, reminds me of Christian Dior's 1978 collection, you are the most stylish person in the room. Where, Harajuku, Tokyo? You went to Tokyo? Wow, when? I love Tokio, you need to tell me everything about your trip!
- That tan line ... looks like somebody was on holidays recently ... Where, Greece? That's so cool, I'm so jealous, tell me ...
It is also worthwhile reflecting on how the recipient will process a compliment: the recipient will compare your compliment with the previous compliments received. Let's illustrate this point with some social cliches:
- 17 year old conventionally beautiful girl: will typically get large amounts of compliments every day. She will have heard it all before, and have a lot of experience with gracefully handling compliments.
- 17 year old convention computer gamer boy: will typically never have been complimented on anything at all. Will have no canned graceful reply for his first compliment.
Summary: Adjust your compliments to audience expectation.
something that might make them
uncomfortable.
Flattery is like paying with counterfeit money: easy to do and effective ... as long as you don't get caught. Meaning: when Alter realises Ego is using flattery, Alter feels manipulated.
Finally, there are different cultures of complimenting. For example, in the US compliments are given freely, often and expected. In Easter Europe, in contrast, compliments tend to be given more rarely, and not usually expected. Unless you are socially savvy or a social risk taker, I recommend to adhere to the ambient conventions about how often compliments should be made.
Next time I'm teaching compilers, I'll illustrate the difference between context-free and context-sensitive language with reference to Glasgow pubs.