Hi, we had similar concerns about privacy and have built https://cloudron.io to solve not only the hassle of setting up email but also other services where applicable selfhostable options are available.

The mail server is fully built into the platform itself and automatically takes care of all the tiny details required to get over the often stated deliverability issues (SPF, dkim, PTR, ...). So far we have found that many of the issues described here are not actually a big issue as long as everything is setup the way those large providers want it to be. The occasional report from a user about getting blacklisted usually is a matter of submitting the required form on the providers unlisting site. They do act timely as well in my experience and the process is not very time consuming.

Overall I was pretty surprised how well it works in the end, given that there are so many reports about selfhosting email is too complex to deal with.