Ask HN: Are you doing what you want to do or what you have to?

"but the thought of losing a chance to do"

Einstein worked at the Patent Office pushing paperwork too. He had spent two frustrating years looking for a job "he wanted to do" before that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein#Patent_office

He thought about science and philosophy in his free time.

His patent office job was related to science because he looks at all kinds of inventions, but is not directly involved in it. Looks like you and him have that in common! You haven't lost any chance! Go on, keep living.

Other people use Google as people before them used the library, and if that's not to your liking, you're free to resort to Google less and more on your own mind's thinking skills!

So it looks like you're on a similar track with Einstein after all!

I apologise, now you have no excuse. Go do engineering and think about physics.

Yes, this is what even I feel. Many gets frustrated about comparing what they currently doing and what their dream. But, we are humans and we are capable of managing multiple things, so better stop thinking about current situation and start doing something which you like along with current things (Sometime current things are inevitable). If you are really passionate about doing what you love, you will definitely reach your destination.

The worst scenario is when you work after work and are unsuccessful at both ventures. There is no safety net, there is no rest. At least you are likely to die earlier from the load.

With a CS degree, some planning and luck, you have a good shot at saving FU money while you're still relatively young (let's say before 40). After that, you can take a few years to study physics and see if it is really how you imagined it would be. If it is, great, if it's not - you still have the FU money and can look for fulfillment in other places (incl. going back to your CS career, at which point you should be excellent at, which gives plenty of satisfaction to many people in itself).

I always wanted to be a musician. I never thought about anything else. Didn't even consider it. All my waking moments were spent daydreaming about who I would become and what I would do.

So I went to school for music. Some might say Music Education but I never really considered it, honestly, until it was too late.

I placed myself in a highly competitive school with some of the best musicians in the world as roommates.

I thought it would push me, I thought I had enough drive, but apparently my imposter syndrome was too great. That's another story though.

Short story; it didn't work out. I lived a little and had some part time jobs until I forced myself into a situation of coding. It worked out great though, because my imposter syndrome is pretty much entirely gone (even in a new industry - ! - which I taught myself into), I have a wonderful family and great kids. Development was something I could pick up easily that also allowed me to be somewhat creative in the capacity that music allows.

But it's just something I do. It isn't who I am. I'd tell you who I am but I tend to question that more and more these days. And I change. People change.

Can you also be a musician right now? Is it about time, or what?

Ha! Yes! Quite a successful one, actually! (If you don't count the music income)

It IS about time at this point. But that's more of my own choice as to what I choose to do outside of 9-5. As my children get older, and less is demanded from me 24/7, I'm sure I'll find a happy balance as a "un-professional" musician.

Some say all sound engineers are all failed musicians. And then some became coders. And then some became founders...

Me and my co-founder regard our "ventures" into music as part of what needed to be learned to be able to become good coders. Without it, we would be not this skilled. So we're happy we didn't end up doing what we wanted to. Sounds like you have the same experience :)

Indeed, the parallels are uncanny.

For my family, I'm happy I didn't go down that route. Seems like the most successful tend to be crazy.

I am doing what I love to do. I'm a web developer and design landing pages for companies. I get to go to work everyday and be creative. I also don't mind the people I work with though sometimes I do find them annoying, but you can't win at everything. Having my dream job, however, doesn't mean I'm making what I want to be making. To make up for it, I just do some freelance work for extra cash. I am also in the process of starting up a (side) business of a bunch of web apps with a saas model and hoping that will bring in some additional revenue.

The thought of losing my current job certainly haunts me, but the thought of having additional revenue continues to drive me and takes away my anxiety about the possibility of no longer having my current job. Fortunately, I've been at it for 5 years and my company got bought out. I saw several departments get sold off because the company that bought us was considered a monopoly and it was the only way. I also was given a choice about 4 years ago by this company: Move or get laid off. After some salary negotiation and asking if they could pay for my move across the country, I continued working for the company. So I've seen a few things happen.. and I'm still here. We definitely have a great product and if they ever did sell it off (and lay me off), I would actually take it upon myself to redesign it the way I want it and try to become their competitor.

A little of both.

My job is probably the best fit for me, in terms of jobs where someone pays me a salary..but I don't truly want a job. The people I look up to are...scrappy. They don't work desk jobs for other people.

Anyway, for now it's paying the bills and developing a skill-set that perhaps I can leverage into something different. Meanwhile I'm building up infrastructure for pursuing some other, offline things that I'm interested in. And getting my feet wet with them until I can make a more permanent switch.

It's now the end of my engineering and I am now occupied with the thoughts of what my life had been if I would have chosen the road not taken.

Isn't it equally as likely that in the alternate universe where you pursued Physics that you would have either been unhappy with the realities of a job in the field (maybe too much scut work, lab work, what have you) or even been facing unemployment?

I ask this because I know a lot of people on the other side of the green grass (people who pursued something not as employable as CS for reasons of passion and have displayed regret about not diving into technology for the ubiquity of it in our present day-to-day)

If it makes you feel better, many physicists with they had studied CS instead. CS is one of the most dynamic academic fields and physics is one of the most stagnant (imo). The grass is often greener on the other side.

Doing what I have to do so someday I can so what I want to do.

Exactly what I want, exactly how I want. This way lies relative poverty, but I'm happier than I've ever been.

Neither.

I know the solution to most problems, but I can't seem to properly communicate them. As a result, I'm consistently miserable.