Comment by shorttime | Hacker News Reader

Comment by shorttime | Hacker News Reader

I can see arguments either way to ask about it or not. I always have an internal debate with myself when I see such things like an eye patch or other non-typical characteristics that stand out. Should I ask? Would it be rude?

Most of the time I get stuck in a do-loop and the person is gone before I have a chance to make a decision. That's probably a good thing, looking at it from a cost/benefit analysis there is no way anyone should ask such a thing. But I also don't want to pretend this obvious thing doesn't exist because it's an elephant in the room! What if the said person expects me to comment on it? What if the person thinks that other people avoid them due to this non-typical characteristic? I certainly don't want to contribute to that either! I have no idea how to approach these things...

My main goal is to treat them like anyone else and I saw someone with a broken leg I'd ask. I forget the comedian but they cover the topic of handicapped people feeling left out because they don't get commented on, they want to feel equal. I think it might have been Carlos Mencia (yeah, yeah, I know, dude steals jokes) but the point stands - if we want to treat people equal aren't we obligated to ask?

It is different though. When I've broken bones and had to wear a cast it's a novelty so I enjoy the fluttering moment of being the centre of attention. But when it's something that they have to deal with for the rest of their life, the psychological effect will be a bit... different. I can't fully extend (or bend) one of my arms from an accident a few years back, and it took me quite a long time to be accepting of this fact.

Thing is, I've never heard anyone ever complain that not enough people point out that glaring flaw in their anatomy that they've struggled to deal with internally. So I figure it's best to err on the side of politeness and ignore it unless it's relevant or they bring it up themselves.

don't want to pretend this obvious thing doesn't exist

You mean like their shoes, the shirt they're wearing, that kind of thing? Because the eye patch is only unusual to you, the person with the eye patch puts it on every morning. Hell, they might have patches in different colors.

You can ask, but keep in mind that asking only benefits you. Because I'm sure the person wearing the patch has long ago gotten their fill of answering that question, and doing so is no longer of benefit to them.

So to speak personally, I don't ask. It's obvious that there is some malfunction in one of their eyes, I don't need to ask because that's all I need to know. Asking for more detail, well, I just met the person. Why would I think I can now delve into their personal details just because they're wearing an eye patch? More so, I don't ask because I'll betcha they are sick...and...tired of answering to random strangers who, truth be told, don't give a shit about the person and just want an answer to their curiosity.

Makes sense, my default is not to ask about it. I've seen very few people with eye patches in my life and I never asked.

It kind of relates to what one of my friends recently observed and experienced, someone asked them what race they are. She's light skinned but black. The person asking went through a few different combinations latino, white-black mix, etc and finally asked black and she got really angry. From my 3rd person perspective, I don't think the intent was to cause an issue but to relate to my friend. It's unfortunate because I don't see a maleficent intent, an unintended negative experience. This event is a small example of what I see on a overall change in society. Now everyone is walking around on pins and needles, afraid to make a social interaction for fear of making someone angry. Further isolation. Less tolerant to mistakes. I don't see this as a good thing. Boring. Uncreative. Polished. Unable to express an idea or question for fear of offending someone.

I'm just brown enough to get constantly asked where I'm from or what race I am. I seriously don't care. This is who I am and if it can be a conversation starter, so be it.

That's the way I was looking at it. I think a lot of it comes from people not being comfortable with silence so they'll just mention something they notice. When it's silent we are stuck with our own thoughts, some don't really like that!

Reply on news.ycombinator.com