Hacker News Reader

Comment by pbhjpbhj | Hacker News Reader

Interestingly a deaf friend posted on Fb today that this is a difference with the deaf community (as the post author sees it), that asking about someone's personal status is seen as a good thing, it's showing an interest in them.

I have a beard, kids will ask me "why do you have a beard?", I like it - it shows they're curious, I like to encourage enquiry. The parents will try to shush them, apologising for the intrusion, which TBH I find weird.

I can imagine it gets boring answering the same question over-again, but it's not harmful really. The author clearly has a good approach to life.

View on HN

As a anecdote, I have some very interesting and impossible to miss scarring on my arms. I don't hide it, and it is definitely something I know people are curious about. Yet pretty much no one I have interacted with in the last 7 years since moving to a new city knows why, because no one asks.

People I sit with and talk to from 9 to 5 every day, not a word. You notice people glance, you notice some cashiers hesitate, yet just three or four people from memory have asked and it is always an abrupt and outright "so what's up with that?"

I am thankful because it really doesn't affect my life or personal image and so that mentality reflected by others behavior lets me feel justified in that outlook. But there are definitely days where I wonder if people don't ask out of courtesy or because they just don't care either way, and if I am feeling a bit lonley that can be a negative thing rather than a positive.

Mostly though, I just appreciate that people treat me the same as if I didn't have them, whether they have asked what happened or not.

What makes you think the scarring is very interesting?

It's a mix of bright purple/red/blue and in high contrast to the rest of my skin tone. By interesting I mean it stands out and is not something you see every day.

I like your point of view. Showing an interest is not the same as rude. I guess I really depends on the person who has to deal with constant questions to handle the encounter with Grace. Which I realize is not fair and people can't be expected to always be their "best" self around strangers.

I admire the author of the article for her confidence and courage. I could stand to be more like her.

In both cases, though (deaf culture views on deafness, beard), the person with that views it as either a positive or neutral attribute.

That would be unusual in the case of an eye injury. Maybe the people asking are coming from the context that it's a temporary injury?

Reply on news.ycombinator.com