Quora: "How does a penniless entrepreneur attract gold diggers?"
sulemanali.com
sulemanali.com
Things change. People change: your city, your religion, your personality, your income, your health. Through each change it's nice to have someone to make the change with you. A long, successful marriage requires that the relationship be reinvented as things change. At first you are lovers discovering each other, at another time you are collaborating parents, at another time you are supporting your spouse's dreams, and at yet another time it's your turn to have your dreams supported.
If you're looking for something specific like wealth or beauty, that's fine but it would never work as a foundation for a satisfying marriage relationship. I've found the best foundation to be nurturing an unconditional love for all people, because when your spouse changes into another person you will still be able to love them.
I agree with the sentiment, I really do, and my (soon to be ex-) wife and I are still really good friends, but not only is 'find your best friend' not _necessarily_ a magic bullet, but it's also a lot harder to ferret out than, say, 'large breasted' or 'wealthy'.
Though, it could just be my bitterness talking. :'(
It's just some trait that she prefers in a partner. Every since I made this connection, I hold it less and less against women who want a man that makes a decent salary.
My gf in college broke up with me after a couple of years, and while she'll never admit it, I know it was because I wasn't on the the investment banker track or the like.
I used to have a chip on my shoulder about it, until I realized that she wanting that quality in me, was no different than the reasons I was madly in love with her.
Also, the HN crowd probably underestimates how much the average person makes knee jerk decisions based on evolutionarily-driven intuition - this community is very conscious, reflective, thinking. It's easy for people surrounded by the best, brightest, most thinking, most analyzing people to forget that the vast majority of people aren't that way.
To my mind, it's not that the act of a girl looking for a rich guy and a guy looking for an attractive girl are the same act so much as it is that more times than not these two will find each other.
Girls whose priorities are in wealth and financial security with not end up attracting guys who are interested in relationships based off of emotional commonalities (read similar likes and values). Likewise, guys whose priorities are in finding the most attractive girl will not end up attracting girls who are interested in relationships based off of emotional commonalities.
This is essentially consistent with your analogy. The problem is that just because this is true is no reason to accept it as a healthy basis for a relationship.
You've obviously never dated in NY.
Many women will fake whatever they need to fake to get a rich guy. I'm told many men will do more or less the same thing to sleep with a girl (or so I'm told, I've got no personal experience though).
I hear this connection a lot, but I think it's a bit flawed. A person preferring a certain kind of physique or build doesn't necessarily indicate anything about his/her values. But a desire for comfort and luxury indicates a hell of a lot about a person's values.
I think more equivalent would be saying a guy who looks for a woman with large breasts is similar to a woman looking for a very tall man, and either partner looking for money/luxury/comfort/status/inheritance/titles is the same thing.
I'm a rather great admirer of the Stoic tradition, I have not so much use for luxury or comfort, and I think it's potentially corrupting. I've been with a few women who prioritize luxury and comfort and things like that, but it's clear pretty early on that they're going to be funding their own luxury and comfort, whereas I'm more Spartan and would rather enjoy nature, reading books together at a cafe, laying in bed listening to classical music, and things like that. There is no fine dining, shopping trips, or things like that with me - because frankly, I'd be miserable doing that sort of stuff and a man shouldn't be miserable with his woman.
If you're strong and set those groundrules early, you can usually have a pretty good few year run with a girl who is only mildly interested in luxury/comfort. A girl who is obsessed with it, maybe you can't get on her official boyfriend -> fiance -> husband track, but that's a good thing for the man who doesn't want to be immersed in consumerism, luxury, and comfort.
So no, I disagree with the looks/money equivalence - most people have a preference for a certain set of looks which doesn't necessarily indicate anything, but a strong desire for luxury/comfort is a big red flag to people who don't want that life - though it might be perfect for a guy who does like fine dining and luxury too.
Women desiring high status men is also built-in. But which women find high status (banker versus starving artist for example) depends on culture and the particular woman.
Good looks on a gal are correlated with fertility, so a guy who marries her will have a chance at a higher reproductive success. A guy with resources can afford to take care of said children, as opposed to letting them starve to death, so she gets a higher RS as well.
Neither has anything to do with morality at all.
I don't think seeking wealthy mates is immoral because it doesn't hurt anyone. If someone enjoys that kind of thing, good for them. If they're in it for the conspicuous consumption, I just probably wouldn't enjoy hanging out with them, let alone marrying them.
It's about values and reproduction. Humans are living things, and EVERYTHING about the behaviour of living things is about reproduction. Values, in humans, are all about reproduction, directly or indirectly.
The lack of honesty is why most people don't like golddiggers.
A golddigger [1] is morally equivalent to a guy who lies to women about wanting a relationship, simply with the goal of getting into her pants. Actually she is worse, since her actions are considerably more harmful.
[1] I exclude the honest golddiggers, of which I'm sure there are a few. I've got nothing against a girl honestly trading sex for money.
Does anyone know the gender ratio of HN members? I'd be curious to know if it weren't overwhelmingly male. I think we'd all be better off if we got to see both male and female perspectives.
"There was one surprise founders mentioned that I'd forgotten about: that outside the startup world, startup founders get no respect.
...
Unfortunately this extends even to dating:
It surprised me that being a startup founder
does not get you more admiration from women.
a 50% non-vesting partner with an 18+ year lock-up
She looks---really looks---at her husband and realizes that outside of his consumer marketing instincts and technical wizardry and (increasingly infrequent) write-ups in TechCrunch and VentureBeat and his nouveau confidence, he's quite boring. He was one of the guys she scrunched her nose at in high school.
She married someone she wasn't particularly interested in for what his money could buy her, and came to realize he is boring.
The story doesn't make generalizations about all women.
Bingo.