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Comment by thenduks | Hacker News Reader

I fail to see how a friend posting a comment exposing the relationship on facebook is any different than that same friend making the same kind of comment while out for drinks 'IRL'.

This has nothing to do with 'social media'.

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When someone comments while out for drinks, three people hear it. They may tell a few people, and the word will get around within a circle of friends who know each other.

It may never reach other circles of your friends. In my own case, the circle of my FB friends that I know from technology do not overlap with the circle of friends that I know from sports very much. Something could easily go around one circle and not the other.

But FB merges them: Something on my wall is visible of all of my circles of friends. That's what I took from the article: Social Media kicks down the walls between circles of friends.

Of course you are right: There is almost certainly going to be a difference in the magnitude of a 'breach'.

I still think this is way out of proportion. Let's use the example of your two circles. Assuming a few/some/most/all of your friends are in the same geographical area, how common is it to run into people from group A while out with group B (and thus open the possibility of group A people making comments you don't want group B to hear)? I know for me situations like this are very common. Just the other day I was leaving a restaurant with friends and ran into other completely unrelated friends who were sitting on the patio.

I don't think that just because Facebook is an easier way for your clueless/inconsiderate friends to let stuff slip is Facebook's problem, is all I'm saying. Facebook is just the highest profile, most widely used method of having a persona online. That comes with upsides and downsides -- if you aren't comfortable with the risks you can simply not partake.

The main differences are the audience and the permanence. A comment on facebook is likely seen by everyone that friend knows, and the gay person doesn't control the friend's privacy settings, just his own. The other thing is that a comment on facebook is there to be seen whenever someone comes across it, as opposed to a careless comment which may or may not be heard or comprehended by anyone that heard it.

One of the other important points to note is that people often have different circles of friends, who may or may not intersect, and even if you control what one group of friends knows, you can't control whether the other group of friends happens to let something slip. A situation that likely wouldn't arise IRL could happen due to the Kevin Bacon degrees of separation rule (sometimes a group of friends will intersect another group through the most bizarre circumstances).

edit: I took too long to type this out obviously. Ha.

It would only be the same if everybody you know was out getting drinks with you (including family, friends, coworkers, etc), and the comment was made loud enough for all to hear.

Before social media, your siblings likely wouldn't hear a conversation between two of your friends when your name is mentioned.

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