no cheek, who on earth would prefer the south bay to SF?
When I go out in silicon valley? I see other people in free t shirts still wearing work badges. Everyone treats me well, as long as I make a basic effort towards politeness. Nobody expects me to be stylistically or socially skilled, as long as I put out that basic effort. I go to my favorite bar, and not only are there no tv screens, I am not the only one reading.
Essentially, silicon valley is for people like me. This is both why people like me like it, and also why people in San Francisco look down on it.
My point here isn't that one is more exclusionary than the other; just that they are very different, and likely will work well for very different people.
I think the explanatory principle is that most folks understand other folks through the use of archetypes; Silicon Valley is the only place/culture that has an archetype that matches me closely enough to be a useful model. Outside of Silicon Valley, I am pretty far off from any of the established archetypes, so people don't come with the pre-built ruleset for dealing with me that they have here in silicon valley. I can only really relate to people who are willing to step outside that archetype model. I mean, that's absolutely necessary for a close relationship; your friends and lovers don't think of you as an archetype, they've taken the time to actually know you. But your bartender? the person interviewing you? Someone deciding if they want to put in enough effort to actually get to know the real you in a friendship (or romantic) kind of relationship? All of those people are often operating on that archetype model, at least until they get to actually know you, if they get to know you.
Now, there's something to be said for having that filter; in the absence of an archetype, the only people who can become close to you are the people who are open to foreignness, and I personally like those people better than people who don't have that trait, but even if you are willing to take that as a pre-filter, it is kind of neat to live in a place where people who only meet you in passing seem to kind of know you.
For me, being that archetype was a really novel experience; honestly, I think I need to travel more and spend more time in places that are open minded but where I don't fit into any archetype sometimes, but I think silicon valley has given me a really interesting experience in that here I'm... normal.
I suspect the problem in San Francisco, for me (and a lot of people who are comfortable in silicon valley) is that they have an archetype that almost fits me, but it is off enough to be non-predictive and uncomfortable for all involved. I think that being that close to a archetype that doesn't fit you is in many ways worse than being clearly outside of any established archetype, especially in a place that seems to be as accepting of foreigners as San Francisco.
Really, I think foreignness is a reasonable model here; when I lived and worked in the central valley, sure, that's where I spent most of my childhood, and most people looked like me, but I always felt like I was a foreigner. My values, my personality, and my expectations just don't mesh with that area. I felt like I was on the wrong planet, and my impression is that the central valley just doesn't tolerate foreignness the way that places like San Francisco or Silicon Valley do.
The short list of places I need to try next is New York, Seattle and Portland. I suspect that the models that people in those places will be sufficiently off from, you know, me that I won't fit into any archetype, but I think that those places are sufficiently open minded that I could be a "foreigner" and still be able to operate socially, but that theory has yet to be experimentally proven, except for a few weeks in Seattle.
1) My rent is half as much.
2) I don't get stuck on a shuttle bus on 101 for 3 hours/day. Commuting eats up all the time that you'd use to take advantage of SF's (admittedly superior) nightlife & cultural scene.
3) There's greenery in my apartment complex.
4) There's no shit on the streets.
5) I can walk outside and it will be warm and sunny. None of this crazy fog or "the coldest winter ever was a San Francisco summer".
6) It doesn't take a half hour to find a parking spot. (For those who say "Don't own a car in SF" - you're right, but this doesn't solve any problems. Public transportation outside the BART corridor in SF sucks, it takes as long to get from the Sunset District to downtown as it takes to get from the South Bay to Downtown, and the only reason you need to spring for Instacart/DoorDash/Uber is because you don't have a car.)
If uber figures it out, then everything is fine. The problem is that nobody knows if an unsubsidized system can provide acceptable wait times in a place like San Francisco.
People talk like it is a super dense city, but it is really more of an in between, and without the privately subsidized ride sharing, it is in an awkward place.
3. SF has plenty of parks.
4. SF has a few odd neighborhoods where you'd see shit on the street. It's not everywhere.
5. It's really nice to have not too hot summer and not too chilly winter. I absolutely love it.
6. People who live in San Francisco and own car know when to take the car and when to Uber. I don't take my car when I'm going to Tenderloin. I'd totally take my car if I'm driving to Golden Gate Park.
I realize that that's not fair, but not more unfair than imagining that SF's culture is objectively better.