The nurse came in and put something in my IV and I just stopped. The pain stopped. I stopped talking to my wife in mid-sentence. Everything was fine. My world just stopped and I liked it.
As the nurse left my wife asked what I was given and it was dilaudid, which is equal to heroin on the equianalgesic scale.
It was right then I understood how people become addicted to drugs. Like you, it convinced me to never try heroin or any other opiates outside of emergency medical care.
If all of that is what "pure, unadulterated hell" looks like to you, I think your life really hasn't been as difficult and full of "hardships" as you would have people believe...
I think the thing that would help you most would be to stop feeling like a victim. That's what helped me! Best of luck to you.
To give you some further perspective here, I was sexually abused as a child. I would rather go through that 100 times before I would go through bad withdrawal again... Fuck off.