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Comment by gggy | Hacker News Reader

Not every lifestyle permits intimate relationships. And not everyone can just snap their fingers and "get a long term relationship".

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Exactly what kind of "lifestyle" doesn't permit an intimate relationship? Being a Catholic priest? Being a hermit like Unabomber Ted Kazcinski?

If your lifestyle doesn't permit an intimate relationship, which is one of the best things about being a human, then you need to find yourself a new lifestyle.

Sorry but you are just naive.

Wow, that's a really informative reply.

Not everyone believes that romantic relationships are "one of the best things about being a human." Just because you believe it, doesn't mean everyone else does, or that you should imply that people are somehow "less than" for feeling otherwise.

As to your other comment, have you considered people who have mental illnesses/disorders? Their lifestyle (in every sense of the word) would not permit a romantic relationship, too bad they can't just "find another one".

You might be suffering from depression that is crippling enough that it would be cruel to ask someone to be with you.

I guess when I hear the term "lifestyle", it seems to me like a way of life that's voluntarily chosen, rather than imposed by medical problems. Also, this was a response to a HN user asking about his particular situation, and no mention was made of any serious medical or psychological problems (other than a supposed "porn addiction") which would understandably make finding a long-term relationship difficult.

I do agree with the GP that not everyone can just snap their fingers and "get a long term relationship", but for someone who has no other obvious impediments to one, and thinks they look at porn too much, my advice is to at least try. It seems obvious to me that the excessive porn is an outlet for frustration from not having a real relationship with a real human. There's only one reasonable way of solving that IMO, and that's going out and finding (or trying to find) such a relationship. Trying to turn yourself into Buddha is not reasonable IMO; people are supposed to have intimate relationships.

Also, looking for a relationship specifically to solve a habit problem is not a good idea. People in relationships can do a lot to support their partners habit changes, but it is unhealthy to try to take responsibility for someone else's habits. It is likewise unhealthy to expect someone else to take that responsibility.

Looking for a relationship to fulfil desire for opposite sex, I think, is a legitimate reason to look for relationships.

It's akin to the man is drinking engine oil to quench his thirst, asking how to stop drinking engine oil. We don't say "Drinking water specifically to stop bad habits is not a good idea". IMHO anyway.

The habit problem is very likely to be caused by the lack of a relationship in the first place. Sex and intimate relationships are a normal human need, so of course people are going to turn to substitutes when they don't have this.

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