Part 1:
I eventually found quality help, who then recommended I read this:
When Anger Hurts
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/278196.When_Anger_Hurts
TL;DR: Anger is a cascade: Expectations, disappointment, resentment, blame and then BOOM anger. The fix to anger is to eliminate your expectations.
Part 2:
Awareness of the psychology only got me so far. I struggled to change my habits. Recalling that you can only replace a habit, vs unlearn, I decided to pretend to be happy. I would tell people "I'm fantastic! How are you?!" It started out sarcastic, wry.
About three years later, I woke up one day, thought "I feel phenomenal" and actually meant it. I was shocked. I didn't even notice the change.
TL;DR: How you talk changes how you think.
Good luck. Please believe me when I say the effort is worthwhile.
As Buddha said "Expectations lead to disappointment"