Ask HN: What's the most unexpected social convention you've discovered? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: What's the most unexpected social convention you've discovered?

19 pointsEleventhSun11 comments

In the context of running a startup in the Bay Area.

For example, a post I read eons ago described how, when talking to an investor, and they ask you if you're talking to other investors, you always say yes. The reason being is that you always want to appear to be able to give them competition, and moreover, if you say no you look inexperienced.

Any other catches like that you can think of?

View on HN

When you meet someone you often say things like: "Hey how are you doing? or "How is it going?" These phrases are not intended to be literal questions but are actually used to gauge the other person's feelings towards you. From their tone and the length of their response you can determine whether they want to expand the relationship or are indifferent. These meaningless phrases are actually an important part of social interactions, despite having no apparent meaning.

This is culture-specific. As somebody who moved from Scotland where "How are you doing" has only one socially-acceptable answer "Good/Great/Fine" I'm now in Finland.

If you ask a Finnish person how they are, they will tell you.

I regard this as refreshing, honest, and interesting.

I want to move to Finland just for this, haha.

People here (southeast USA) like to ask this question as they are walking by. There is absolutely no way to answer in an honest way, you just have to say "Good, good." or something like that. Furthermore, since you're walking by it's still awkward even to say "Good, you?" I've always found it really weird. If you just want to say hey, say hey! Hello. Greetings. Salutations. Don't ask me a question as you're walking away. :v

Also in the southeast. I've started answering honestly (to a point). And when I ask it I stop first and face the person. It's actually a very difficult habit to get out of once you've started. Similar to removing verbal tics such as "like". The hardest part is the mindfulness required to acknowledge it's even happening.

Personally I only ask it if I'm already stopped and facing someone. At work, so many people are walking by me at a very fast pace and just quickly shoot this question at me. I answer, "Good, you?" and hear a "good" in the distance as they are already 10 feet away, and it's always felt super awkward.

Totally fine in the breakroom as we are in line to get coffee/water though.

But yeah, people probably just don't think about it much. I understand it's just a greeting to them.

The language is a nightmare, the winters will kill you, but those two minor flaws aside it's a nice place to live and I am enjoy the process of settling in.

In parts of Mexico it's considered embarrassing to admit not knowing how far away someplace is. The conventional solution is to use the code phrase: "Quatro kilometers, señor.

Whether it's investors/bosses/clients, if you're invited to share your weakness/inexperience on premise that doing so is a sort of strength through honesty; it's a trap, and the right answer is expected to be the opposite.

"I had a weakness once. I overcame it. beats chest"

Agreed. General advice I've heard is, "Well THIS, but this is what I've been doing to get past it."

Technically if you talk to anyone with a share portfolio about the weather, you are talking to other investors.

Using self deprecating humour in the Anglosphere may signal confidence. In Germanic countries it will get you pitiful nervous stares.

I don't know about the Bay Area but I've heard uptalk is prevalent there specially on tech.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com