Sounds like you need to renegotiate that. When I'm on call I don't get paid 9-5. There's a rather nice on-call bonus which pretty much means I get paid the full 24hrs. Might also depend on the country, some have laws around these kinds of things. For example, I can only be on-call for a 1 week stretch and have to be given a (paid) day off after. I can also not be on-call again for another couple of days.
> I was never on call but I have a friend who was. Like you mentioned, it plays a huge role in how you live your life. That lingering feeling of they can call you any second haunts you day in and day out.
If being on-call gives you this lingering feeling of doom then don't be on-call. If your systems are in that much of a fucked up state then you push back until that's sorted. Sometimes you need to let stuff burn. Being on-call does not have to equal being in a constant state of stress on the verge of panic attacks.
> Even going to the movies must be a terrible experience? You either feel guilty for turning your pager off, or you spend the movie just ruminating about how it will end early for you if you get called.
I don't go to the movies when I'm on-call. Turning your pager off at that point is irresponsible and not what I'm being paid for. In most companies you're only on-call for short periods at a time, it doesn't take over your life. You just go to the movies the day after, just like you'd plan any other activity and overlapping commitment.
> How do you even sleep at night knowing that someone might call you any second? Sounds worse than prison honestly.
By using Quiet Hours on your phone correctly and configuring the numbers that pages can come from to always go through. You get to bed and you sleep. The first few times you might sleep a bit less over it. Eventually you get the hang of it. A big part in this is knowing that you don't get paged for random crap but only ever when there's something truly wrong that can't wait until the next morning. Correctly behaving systems and not too trigger-happy alerting are crucial to this.