Ask HN: Critique for cold email

Dear insiders of real start-ups, I am visiting silicon valley shortly and want to set up meetings with companies I admire. May I have 5 minutes of your precious time and make some comment on the email I am trying to send? Thank you for your help. Dear insiders of real start-ups, I am visiting silicon valley shortly and want to set up meetings with companies I admire. May I have 5 minutes of your precious time and make some comment on the email I am trying to send? Thank you for your help.

subject: Question about * (a consumer electronics field) market

Great job founding the most inspiring * * (a consumer electronics field) company!

My name is Ziqiao Jin, I am running a (a consumer electronics field) start-up project and wish I could ask your for some advice. May I have 15 minutes of your time? It will be great if we can have coffee around February 10th.

I am interested in the (a consumer electronics field) too, have been doing research for a year now. If you want to know anything specific about the Japanese * * (a consumer electronics field) market, I am happy conduct research for you.

Thank you for your consideration.

Best, Jin