The 1% cutoff is about $400k/year. If you want to live in lower Manhattan that sounds about right. Upper Manhattan has a bit more opportunity, but even then you're looking at old and tiny apartments for your family.

If you want to own your property, yes definitely.

If you want to own property in Manhattan probably, or at least close to it.

If you want to own property elsewhere (Brooklyn, Queens, SI, Bronx), you need to be upper middle class and have some savings—no millions needed though unless it's some super prime location.

The 1% that commute long hours to Manhattan do it because they want to live in their large Long Island or upstate estates/houses, not because they can't afford Manhattan. If they wanted to be close to work, they'd just have to live in a smaller house/condo without a large front lawn or private pool.

Millions of families live "decent" lifestyles in NYC all the time without being millionaires.

Friend just bought an apartment in the East 40s for less than $300,000. That's a $60,000 down payment he saved from his ~$100,000 salary over six years. With taxes, HOA, PMI, et cetera he is paying $2,500 (20 year) to $2,800 (30 year) a month, or about 30% of his pretax salary. It's a stretch, but it's totally doable.