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I dont know what serves as the mouth guard in your analogy but it sure as fuck won't stop you from getting laid out.

Nah, but you might still have your teeth afterwards.

This is spot on, because often we prepare by wearing a mouth guard, while in reality their protection against getting knocked out basically zero.

Not true, a mouth guard absorbs a lot of impact from the lower jaw upwards.

wont stop the rest of your face from being bloodied