When my wife was in high school, her mother would find out the results of every single assignment before she did, using a tool on the school's website.
Ever seen those little 4 point pop quizzes to keep kids awake for class? 3 out of 4 points is a fine result and barely impacts grades one iota... but that individual assignment shows up as a 75%... a C grade. Which would trigger fits of rage.
It was a living hell of unending anxiety.
Especially since teachers are prone to do goofy things with their gradebooks. I've seen a lot of teachers mark assignments as 0 until they're turned in, even if they aren't due yet, for instance. Parents go into panic mode about their kids getting "Fs" when the assignments aren't even due yet.
My mom did the same with my brother but but not with me. I was much younger than my brother and still in elementary school but by fifth grade I began to feel afraid of my mom doing the same thing to me. I almost got straight As in Chinese, but a B on the final quiz could’ve ruined that. I ended up having an anxiety attack within the last 5-10 minutes of class, right before I would have to walk home. I had two attacks back to back after that and I was taken out of the class, but after a few years I had another attack in a similar situation and I recently had another, albeit at home because I didn’t that I could get a project done on time. I think something about my mother yelling at my brother and my brother yelling at her had traumatised me, because I know that when I was in fifth trade, my brother was really struggling in school. When my mom found out I was having attacks age got really scared and calmed down with my brother and things definitely got better for all of us. But for a while, even though I wasn’t a direct victim, it really, really hurt me. I understand that she was trying to look out for my brother who had lied to her on multiple occasions. I understand that she tried to do the right thing, and that it’s harder than it sounds. I have no idea what I would’ve done in her place either. I am not mad at her for what she did at all, don’t get me wrong, but the irony of the situation has always frustrated me.
In an attempt to make my brother more responsible while allowing me to still feel comfortable learning, helicopter parenting just made my brother want to spite my mom more and led to me having to be taken out of a class because of anxiety.
There’s something to learn from these experiences, but I’ve struggled to figure it out. Because in spite of how it has affected me, I have never been able to think of something that my mom should’ve done instead.
I'm just hoping I can maybe help my younger siblings cope with it. (Nine and eighteen years younger than I am.)