Monetizing the Rapture | Hacker News Reader

Monetizing the Rapture

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31 pointsandrewl17 comments

Back in September '09 when I first saw this site, I wrote to offer my services in the Nebraska area, since I noticed that they do not offer service in the region. The response, at the time, was:

Thanks for your interest in becoming a post rapture pet rescuer.

At this time we are not expanding our area or taking on new reps. We will keep your email on file and contact you, should we decide to expand.

If you enjoyed this site and are a freethinker you will enjoy my web site partner's new book "The Atheist Camel Chronicles" . It has been receiving rave reviews on amazon and throughout the internet. It's rated in the top 25 of amazon's best selling atheist themed books...out of 70,000!! Signed copies available through his book's website(USA buyers only) http://theatheistcamelchronicles.blogspot.com/ also available on amazon internationally.

Yours in reason, Brad

Then there's an opening to follow Google's website-innovation model here: don't do it first, do it better.

I never thought about that. Couldn't you say that is also Microsoft's (intended) software-innovation model?

Problem: God is going to take 20-40 million people and your pets will be left behind.

Solution: Atheists

Business Model: $100 per every ten years. Approximately $10 revenue per user per year.

Underlying magic and technology: Heavenly power of God will take people away. The transporting of animals is just basic transport.

Marketing and sales: We plan to primarily use fear. We will also market our services through the tens of thousands of congregations around the world.

Competition: Google may enter the space as a way to get churches as advertisers. They could house the pets in the googleplex.

Team: One of our cofounders is God. He's been the founder of numerous startups including First Life.

Projections: We predict 50 million in revenue by the time of the Rapture.

Status and timeline: over 100 customers. Rapture hasn't happened yet.

Call to action: We need approximately 3.2 million dollars to further market the service and reach God fearing Christians.

This raises several scholastic questions.

Would a benevolent God leave innocent puppies and kittens behind, putting them on the same level as atheists?

After true Christians ascend to heaven, will they have some sort of omniscience? In particular, will they able to verify that Eternal Earth-Bound Pets is fulfilling the contract?

One authority says "I don't know if they should necessarily trust atheists to take care of them". Atheists might torture your pets or leave them to die. What about not-so-true Christians like Catholics, Anglicans and Orthodox people, who don't believe in the Rapture? Will they ascend anyway? It looks like they would be a better choice of pet carers.

If you believe that a benevolent God would leave puppies and kittens behind, does hiring an atheist to look after your pets bespeak a certain lack of faith in God’s plan?

True believers are well-trained in filing any obvious contradictions between what scripture says God wants and what is observable in the real world under "ineffability", and fervently ignoring them.

That’s not sporting.

It "must reassure the Rapture crowd that his pet rescuers are wicked enough to be left behind but good enough to take proper care of the abandoned pets. Rescuers must sign an affidavit to affirm their disbelief in God—and they must also clear a criminal background check."

"Well Mr. Moore, your background check came up with some problems."

"Oh..well I uh..."

"Yes, we see you have been convicted of rape, sexual molestation, and kidnapping..."

"I can explain, I--"

"Well despite that impressive resume, I'm afraid we found a copy of your high school yearbook, with a picture of you in the Bible Study club. I'm afraid we won't be able to hire you."

Qualifications?

- Rape, murder, arson, and rape.

You said rape twice.

- I like rape.

What a joke. People will take advantage of anything for a little cash.

How is this ethically any different than an insurance company betting against, say, you totaling your car?

That said, I wouldn't buy insurance from a company that writes trade mag articles professing the non-existence of auto accidents. These people need to get a bona fide Christian spokesperson/salesforce.

In a way I think you answered your own question: it's quite different because (obviously) auto accidents do happen every day. If you asked someone who works at an insurance company what do they do, they could tell you that they decrease their clients' risk, or that they sell them peace of mind. The insurance company guy doesn't look down at clients who haven't totaled their cars.

But I agree you have a point: if the insurance company doesn't believe that event X is likely (leaving aside the question of whether X is actually likely or even possible), they might charge a premium that's way too small. Then the client cannot have peace of mind because there's no way the insurer will keep their word.

I had this same idea a few years ago, but was going to do it as a parody site. I was going to use certified vegetarian atheists for better effect.

This service arranges for your pet to be placed in the home of a caring atheist (who will not ascend to Heaven) on Judgment Day.

The founder says "I'm trying to figure out how to cash in on this hysteria to supplement my income."

Wonder how much of this is a curiosity and how much of it is an actual business model? Sure it's a fun story, but is there a real opportunity for market traction?

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