If I could go back and start over without the disease, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Even if it meant sacrificing all that success and being a fry-cook all my life.
Someone at work invites me to a party. I go, I have fun. I never get invited again. New person gets hired, pattern repeats. Reliable as a clock.
My wife? I picked her up using techniques from the seduction community, which I studied like a science and practiced for over a year. I did that because I was tired of being a virgin, now I hate this relationship and feel powerless to escape it. BTW, during that seduction community time I spent endless hours at bars and clubs, surrounded by people having fun and pretending to have fun myself. I never had any fun there. It was more of a war zone which I tolerated in pursuit of a goal.
At work I feel like the mythical Cassandra, cursed to see the future but no-one will believe you. (I'm a programmer, of course.) I wish I could just treat it like a job that doesn't matter, and that it wouldn't physically pain me when some idiot can't even follow in-house variable-naming conventions, etc.
Sure, I guess I can't be 100% certain that fry-cooks aren't in their own screaming hell, just like I can't be 100% sure I'm not living in Plato's cave. But I think that's pretty fucking academic compared to the above things which I can be sure of.
I would not advise you to act as neurotypical but to seek out your own kind. That might not be easily found in collected pools of humans but to take a leaf out of the Major's book: 'The net is vast and infinite.'
How many of us have mentioned an obscure topic in passing on HN, and then been surprised by an erudite observation? Of course this does not always prevail, but it happens with enough frequency that I am convinced for each person there are companions.
To be less academic, if there are conventions for furries, then there are places in the world for you too!
It is frequently noted that geeks do much better at themed events with a purpose than at generic social outings. Less night club, more book club. The more object oriented the activity, the easier geeks get along. If you've been to a Hackerspace you'll know there is a wide range of interesting people at such places.
P.S. Every line cook I've known does claim to be in their own screaming hell.
Regarding parties, if you want to make yourself social, try MDMA with selegiline. Selegiline is to prevent MDMA from being neurotoxic [0].
>BTW, during that seduction community time I spent endless hours at bars and clubs, surrounded by people having fun and pretending to have fun myself. I never had any fun there. It was more of a war zone which I tolerated in pursuit of a goal.
You weren't alone. Most, if not all, men go to clubs in hope of getting laid. Those that have fun find the whole process fun; a game. They are the most extroverted ones so it may seem like it's the normal way to spend free time, but in reality they're a small minority. Nothing weird with not liking it, or not getting along with those that like it.
>I did that because I was tired of being a virgin
Literally, or do you mean combined with being single? If literally, why all that work on seduction instead of paying a prostitute?
OTOH, I'm the polar opposite, the complete loser, much like the stereotype of a fry-cook can come to be, and I have to say that being lonely as I am, I would trade places with you in heartbeat. While I don't inflict in other people and keep most things to myself, to have to deal with the minor incompetence of others in exchange to be completely isolated sounds great.
Please try your best not to read this as being condescending - I have a weakness for making valiant, often vain attempts at reaching out to and helping people who are miserable, because I've been there myself.
There's good news, and bad news.
The bad news is that the things that are supposed to make us happy are cultural constructs, illusions and soporifics that for whatever reason, fail completely to bring any happiness or meaning to the lives of people like you and me. We're born, we try feverishly and frantically to grab onto the happiness and meaning that seem to come so easily to others, and when we die it's a stillbirth - we've never really lived.
The good news (which may also sound kind of bad, depending on how you feel about certain things), is that humans throughout history have run up against this, and some of them have sat down and tried to solve the problem. Like all the best solutions, theirs were counter-intuitive, paradoxical to the ignorant, and easily mocked by those who had no need for them. These were of course the philosophers, mystics, and many of those who we think of today as religious figures. What they discovered was essentially the technology of human happiness.
I should stop to point out here that I'm not suggesting that you can fix your ASD stuff. What I am suggesting that it's not the proximate cause of your unhappiness. Sure, being excluded and lonely may be the result of your condition, but lots of people have that experience for other reasons and go on to lead happy lives. It's your reaction to your situation that's causing you pain.
I don't want to be prescriptive about where to start, but as intellectually appealing as philosophy might be, the bullshit to insight ratio is extremely high compared to what people generally refer to as spirituality or religion. Approaching the technology of happiness through Plato is a bit like trying to learn how to program by reading Turing's papers on computing - everything you need is theoretically there, but it's going to require a herculean effort before you can make software. It's better to revisit it once you have something that works in your life.
I'm not saying you have to believe in god, jesus, or magic. Some religious traditions leave these out entirely - for example in Buddhism offers an accessible path involving reincarnation, Bodhisattvas (saints), and miracles, and an alternative one in the Zen and Theravada traditions in which these things are taken as symbols rather than the signified. Buddhism is, to the best of my knowledge, the only religion in which this bifurcation is explicitly acknowledged, although some Christian and Muslim Neoplatonists constructed similar arguments that never became part of the broader doctrine.
Another commenter has suggested psychedelics. I've had earth shattering spiritual experiences on them, and I've also had less intense but much clearer and more lasting ones in the more traditional pursuit of understanding. YMMV.
Finally, if by some (figurative) miracle you've made it this far, it's important to note that learning about this stuff does nothing. You have to practice it, engage in it, and be changed by it. This is deeply fucking uncomfortable process, and it takes time. Best of luck.