Ask HN: Depressed, burned out, feeling terrible as a software engineer
I am 29, depressed, burned out by being a software developer. I felt, I was really smart at what I am doing, enthusiastic (or at least I thought I was).
I don't have too much experience, but what I have in terms of knowledge is very small compared to peers in same age. I have a full time job, but feeling that I am f@...ng slowed down at writing code. Fixing bug takes days which can be fixed in hours by others, cannot focus on tasks.
I thought, I am slow in writing code because I write good quality, maintainable code, but seems like its not. One project killed my confidence, one mistake done in that project killed my confidence. Last year I thought I am smart, I can write any software, this year? Yeah, this year I am thinking about leaving company, do not want to do software job, lost confidence, do not want to talk about my inability of writing code. One f...ng project destroyed my whole personality. I am still working on that project for over 9 months, which could be finished by experienced devs in 2 month maybe less.
I am scared going to work, I just do not want to go there anymore, but I live in a small town, where almost all software companies know each other and my boss can tell others that I am incompetent dev if I want to leave this company without finishing current project. I am afraid to leave this company. I want to finish that project, I do not want to hear everyday, "hey are you still working on that?", "do you have any progress?", "how long we should wait for you?" kind of things from my peers.
Now I hate my peers, my boss, Q&A team, everything there and of course myself.
Help me please. (Sorry for my english, I am so depressed that cannot even write sentences correctly)