A Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of Programming Languages

"Lambdas are relegated to relative obscurity until Java makes them popular by not having them."

1983 - Bjarne Stroustrup bolts everything he's ever heard of onto C to create C++. The resulting language is so complex that programs must be sent to the future to be compiled by the Skynet artificial intelligence. Build times suffer. Skynet's motives for performing the service remain unclear but spokespeople from the future say "there is nothing to be concerned about, baby," in an Austrian accented monotones. There is some speculation that Skynet is nothing more than a pretentious buffer overrun.

By the way for future editions there has to be a good joke about Haskell being lazy because it was created by a bunch of hippies.