USB-C to DisplayPort -> DisplayPort to HDMI -> Monitor - doesn't work
USB-C to DisplayPort -> DisplayPort to DVI-D -> Monitor - doesn't work
USB-C to Ethernet - doesn't work
I'm actually planning to just go to Best Buy today and try to find anything that will let me plug this into my old monitor here even if it has to be the official USB-C to VGA cable from Apple since I don't have time to wait for shipping at this point.
I suppose this is my own fault but somehow I've never had this kind of problem in ~20 years of using a computer.
Edit: There are also currently very few resources about compatibility between all these new adapters and Apple hasn't done anything to help in their spec info so it's really just a guessing game right now.