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'Cos a true hacker would be able to enable JavaScript without exposing himself.

How?

Up-to-date browser in Virtualbox with uMatrix for manual whitelisting?

To go more tinfoil, a "trash" laptop on its own subnet.

Better keep your real laptop at a safe distance unless you want VM escape --> Bluetooth propagation --> pwned.

Well, web Bluetooth is a thing now, so no need to escape VM in that scenario

Paranoid much?

You have a point when it comes to irony.