I tell myself this on a loop while flying and my lizard brain just does not care. Weirdly, I've flown hundreds of times and this didn't start until I was near 30.
I think one aspect is not the fear of death, but the fear of being in a situation of knowing death is certain for minutes as you fall out of the sky. (Which is a situation I also know is a small fraction of the already tiny chance of dying in an airplane).
And like you, I don't necessarily fear death, but I definitely don't want to see death coming. More than anything, I fear helplessness.
Also, dropping 10-20 feet and seeing/feeling the frame of the aircraft flexing about is just plain unsettling.
If it helps, Boeing tests the wings to failure by mounting them to a diabolical torture device that bends them. They have to be bent near vertical before failure.
A little turbulence flapping the wings is about as dangerous as your car's suspension flexing over rough roads.
I tried to explain all this to a friend who was also a nervous nellie flyer, and he told me he didn't want to know - he felt safer with it being a black box.