1. You can hand over stupendous amounts of personal identification to an all-but-unregulated exchange. This is best analogised to keeping your money in a sock under someone else's mattress. Occasionally exchange owners disappear with everyone's socks, or get "hacked". This is very rare, and only happens once or twice a month. Our FAQ strongly recommends Cryptsy, they're a good one mate.
2. You can exchange cash directly with someone on LocalBitcoins for bitcoins, because business deals in parking lots are famous for working out well.
3. You can mine them yourself! Note that barriers to entry include designing your own ASICs and super-cheap or subsidised electricity (possibly buying your own hydroelectric plant).
* How do I buy and sell stuff with Bitcoins?
Much simpler than just using your dollars!
1. Change your dollars into Bitcoins.
2. Find a vendor who advertises that they take Bitcoins.
3. See if they can find the staff member who still remembers how they take Bitcoins.
4. Buy your thing.
5. Wait six hours for your transaction to confirm.
6. When it's dropped on the floor, send it again with a larger fee. Make sure you didn't accidentally reverse the amount and fee fields, irreversible remember!
* Example of a Bitcoin transaction
Your mother calls you that her computer has been locked with ransomware demanding bitcoins within 48 hours. Proceed according to the first step.
* What do I need to know to protect my Bitcoins?
Fortunately, we have this super-simple guide to Bitcoin security! https://en.bitcoin.it/wiki/Securing_your_wallet Your mother will be completely up to speed next time.
* What are the disadvantages of Bitcoin?
It is most useful for speculation (95% of usage), drugs and ransomware in that order.
* Scams to watch out for
Fucking everything. The uses that aren't scams are buying drugs.
* Testimonials
Tyler Winklevoss, co-creator of Facebook, summed it up when he said:
"what was I thinking when I bought all these coins, will I get this ETF up before the bitcoin network collapses. DAMN YOU STOLFIIIIIIIII"
Rick Falkvinge, Founder of the Swedish Pirate party, predicted that:
"The Target Value For Bitcoin Is Not Some $50 Or $100. It Is $100,000 To $1,000,000."
Of course, that was a few months before the bubble popped, but never mind that!
According to John McAfee, Founder of McAfee,
"THEY PUT A RADIO IN MY HEAD YOU KNOW"
* Where do I go from here?
To a shop for armored knee pads, so the next time someone says "Bitcoin" or "Blockchain" to you you can kick them in the nuts and run.