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Comment by prawn | Hacker News Reader

If you want to avoid promising TV/iPad as a reward, good alternatives are:

"If you get in the bath, I'll go and choose a bath toy that you've never even played with before." (And then I find something random in the kitchen - ladle, colander, Tupperware, etc.)

or "If you get dressed, I'll tell you something interesting about Mercury." (Or owls, or bullet trains or anything you can come up with.)

Used the Mercury one with my 4yo, planning to tell him about the massive valley recently discovered. He shot back immediately "Dad, I already know it's really hot on one side and cold on the other side!"

If they're out of control and won't listen to reason, I often just talk somewhat quietly to them about something I know they'll find interesting, and they usually stop screaming so they can hear what it is.

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I can't speak for llimllib, but I didn't read their comment as being a reward for having a bath. The key bit of the suggestion is that having a bath is implicit in the whole situation.

Similarly, me (+spouse) have never offered any reward for completing any task - and see many other parents having to enter into a what-if kind of negotiation. I like your Mercury example, but would consider taking it further: "I can't tell you about Mercury until you're dressed". It sounds logical enough to a 5-6 year old (even though these things are not logically connected).

I guessing these tactics will have to change at some point - but we've successfully navigated around most of the tantrum stage so far.

Or even "once you're dressed, I can tell you something about Mercury". I agree that it shouldn't be a reward - more a thing to do or discuss after the task is done that isn't an option before it's done. Because as I imagine most parents know, any perceived offered reward does become grounds for negotiation.

It's not a reward, I always let him watch buses on the iPad after the bath while I dry him off. He likes it and I don't see any problem with it. Just meant to give an example of a way that changing the framing works with a two year old (/anybody)

Sorry, reward was the wrong word. My primary intention was to suggest a mechanism that didn't involve screen time, as many parents are sensitive to that.

> or "If you get dressed, I'll tell you something interesting about Mercury."

Gonna have to try this one - my son loves collecting facts. Thismay prove very helpful. Even if it turns out not - thanks for the idea, it's a good one.

My son loves these kind of facts so much he has books on them and knows more than I do. He kept quizzing me on some size or distance or mass where the answer was a couple of septillion (European ones, not your small American ones).

I like that this tactic is educational and costs nothing, so you don't need to fall back to a treat. It becomes almost a form of currency within the house. My daughter is younger so in her case (for incentives or distracting her out of a tantrum) I'll talk about the neighbour's cat or birds doing things, etc.

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