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Yes, exactly this. By increasing the regularity with which I exercise and engage in other non-IT pursuits, my ability to deal with bullshit at work has grown tremendously.

I think it boils down to this: The more you value your out-of-the-office life and the more enjoyment you gain from it, the less negative impact your job can have on your life. Of course that's dependent on having a job that permits you to have a life outside of work, being able to schedule regular out of work activities, and if not, finding the motivation to go do random stuff ad-hoc.

Now I visit a farm every week for ~30mins to see some animals, go ice skating regularly, gym regularly, and give my friends a break from parenting by taking their kids to the park to play.

When I stopped going to the gym regularly, when I started going to bars after work more, drinking more, and my life became more "sleep, work, drink, repeat", my mental state deteriorated, my ability to cope with bullshit at work reduced. Getting something resembling a routine of Good Things I Enjoy outside of work resulted in a near instant turnaround.

Thank you for posting this, I love reading other people having similar life experiences as myself, and I hope you feel the same from this too.

> By increasing the regularity with which I exercise and engage in other non-IT pursuits, my ability to deal with bullshit at work has grown tremendously.

Perfect summary.

> Of course that's dependent on having a job that permits you to have a life outside of work

It probably explains the increased demand for flexible hours.

Although a lot of employers view that as a signal that the employee is a slacker, when I'm actually incredibly more productive if I can just take a break randomly in the middle of the day, do Outside Stuff and continue later.

> Thank you for posting this, I love reading other people having similar life experiences as myself, and I hope you feel the same from this too.

Definitely feeling the same.

One thing I have noticed is that some activities raise that bullshit threshold waaay more than others, and I can't really understand why, it's definitely not because one is more pleasant than the other.

Have you noticed anything similar?

> It probably explains the increased demand for flexible hours.

Or desire to not have flexible hours, but go back to rigid 9-5 and to know you'll always be free after 5pm unless the business is burning down (rather than constantly on-call dealing with more bullshit every other day)

> One thing I have noticed is that some activities raise that bullshit threshold waaay more than others, and I can't really understand why, it's definitely not because one is more pleasant than the other.

Not sure if pleasant is the right word, but rather, internally rewarding.

Going to the gym is unpleasant, and whatever muscle group I've worked that day aches for days due to the intensity of the workout, but the end result (looking in the mirror) is hugely rewarding. Going to the farm isn't always very pleasant given the smell of animal droppings, but for some reason, by the time I leave the farm I'm feeling great. Ice skating is also gruelling, I fall a lot, I can't go more than 2-3 times a week as invariably I do something to damage my leg or ankle one of the days, but I still come out feeling great despite the pain.

Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment, and have gone from being punished at work (high stress, high deliverables, high reward, followed by burnout) to similar outside of work.

Then again, I've discovered a love for musical theatre which is no pain but still huge gain (for me).

> > Of course that's dependent on having a job that permits you to have a life outside of work

> It probably explains the increased demand for flexible hours.

> Although a lot of employers view that as a signal that the employee is a slacker, when I'm actually incredibly more productive if I can just take a break randomly in the middle of the day, do Outside Stuff and continue later

That's awesome when you can find that. More often I find that "flexible hours" means "if you're an early bird, you're on your own until we decide to meander in, and expect to hear from us about work at 8pm or 9pm at any point during the week."

Video games and board games for me, especially strategy games or tricky action/puzzle games. On weeks where I don't play them I get a lot more irritable, and I pretty much completely forget the outside world while I'm playing them.

Walks in nature also do wonders for alleviating my mood. I've actually started taking outdoor walking breaks at work since the circumstances of this year lead to a lot less opportunity to walk out in nature than usual. This is also why I try not to work in a major city, because I need to see trees, grass, and hopefully flowing water on a regular basis.

>The more you value your out-of-the-office life and the more enjoyment you gain from it, the less negative impact your job can have on your life.

This 1000 times. There was nothing physically challenging about the work that burned me out. I wasn't starving to death, I could stop doing it at any time (in theory), and it would have been perfectly manageable for someone in a stronger mental state than me. It was the all consuming, this-work-is-my-life attitude that allowed it to become something so crippling.

I've found the same outlet in racing cars, soccer, and working out. I've actually told people before that I think the reason racing helps so much is that you are absolutely 100% focused on the task at hand when you're being the wheel, which means no work or personal stress at all for the time you're on the track.

Soccer is one of the few things I do that allows me to interact with people in a completely different professional field.

And working out gives me a sense of accomplishment completely divorced from my career, which I can carry with me all day in the way I feel physically.

All of these help provide context to my life (and reality), which I think helps me deal with stress at work. Another outlet my dad once suggested was reading fiction as a way to remind yourself there's more to the world than your world and to keep things in context.

Some ask how you have time for these activities with work. I ask how you can work without these activities.

Edit: Formatting and expansion.

> I've actually told people before that I think the reason racing helps so much is that you are absolutely 100% focused on the task at hand when you're being the wheel, which means no work or personal stress at all for the time you're on the track.

That 100% focus is probably it then, you're basically relieved from stress for the duration because you don't have time to think about it like when you're "idle".

And the risk of crashing because of wandering thoughts is a pretty good motivator to be focused 100% :)

> And working out gives me a sense of accomplishment completely divorced from my career, which I can carry with me all day in the way I feel physically.

That feeling!

While actually doing it you might, or might not, actually enjoy it, but that whole feeling in your body after you're done... it truly feels like a really rewarding accomplishment.

> Another outlet my dad once suggested was reading fiction as a way to remind yourself there's more to the world than your world and to keep things in context.

It works, but I find that fades pretty quickly, you need to do it really often to persist it.

I absolutely experienced that feeling when road racing motorcycles this past year. When you're on track, the only thing that occupies your mind is the next turn. I'd call it a poor man's meditation if it wasn't so damn expensive..

My weekly 5-a-side football game is definitely one of the things I miss from working in an office.

I would be careful. I got into extreme sports (motorcycle road racing) when stress became overwhelming for me and it turned out to be a manifestation of my BPD. It was therapeutic for the reasons you give, but also because I had a death wish.

As a result, I came very close to dying or permanently injuring myself on a couple different occasions – and I am the sole provider for my family with a one and four year old.

If engaging in risky or dangerous activities makes you feel normal or alive, you should probably take that as a warning and maybe get checked out. Can't hurt, anyways.

Thank you for the friendly warning.

Yes, it did start as a reckless "last thing I want to do before I die" depression kind of thing while I was a teenager.

Fortunately for me, all the physical effort/socializing/amazing scenery/nature changed my perspective 180° and now I'm a happy camper.

People that knew me before actually commented on how responsible/cautious I've now become with all my hobbies, some even call me grandpa :)

I probably won't be able to do all my hobbies forever, I feel that my reflexes are not what they were, but I'm compensating with experience.

Life is beautiful, I want to experience it as much as possible.

That's great to hear. Gives me hope for myself.

Feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to.

"It was therapeutic for the reasons you give, but also because I had a death wish."

This is a problem. High sensation seeker, (dopamine seeker) with low perception of risk. Understanding risk is a skill. You can improve it through training and applying conscious decision making. Risk management is trying to mitigate the "unknown, unknowns." If you do not understand the risks, you cannot avoid the pitfalls until it stares you in the face.

Risk is also relative. Stand on the side of a busy road you are (mostly) safe. Walk out onto a busy road you are not. It's that stark.

It was very interesting to get into motorcycle racing, which is primarily an exercise in gauging risk. The more risk you're willing to take, the faster you go. But the less experience you have, the more often you will end up crashing. So I found myself doing very well as a novice racer, but I also crashed or had near crashes much more often.

"It was very interesting to get into motorcycle racing, which is primarily an exercise in gauging risk."

Mark you are really out there :)

That's funny, I thought the same about skiing.

I've had similar, but not with skydiving. I've only done one dive, and it was pleasant, lovely view, but did absolutely nothing for me in terms of adrenaline, at all. What did work for me was commuting by cycle in London, flat out race with everything for 10km. Legs burning, drop the temperature, maybe some snow in the eyes, bring on the elements. Great stuff. Winter is great for that, cold at first, but ride hard, warm up, and get to work without needing a shower.

> [...] but did absolutely nothing for me in terms of adrenaline [...]

I don't (think) I'm doing it for the adrenaline, that would have faded sometime in the last 10 years.

Besides, as you said, you can get that cheaper/faster by riding a bicycle in rush hour traffic or standing near a ledge.

I think it's the 100% focus that does it, which sounds similar to what you describe with racing mode.

I love cycling in London, because it teaches me not to be shy.

But once that lesson is learned -- there's not much need for adrenaline. Just rational aggression.

Teaches you to look in the eye of the guy in the car behind you at the lights to make sure they've noticed you :)

Cycling the streets of London, yes! I loved that. Did a Putney to Canary Wharf commute for about 6 years. Weaving in between traffic that's stuck fast is wonderful.

Even when I got a soaking it didn't really matter, you get so wet you can't get much wetter and then get home and have a warm shower.

It was also a great way of getting rid of tension. If you're angry you pedal harder and go faster which is more fun, so breaks any vicious cycle.

Sleeping (like 9+ hours a night) can also help a lot.

It truly can.

The first thing I recommend to anyone that shows early signs of depression is: take care of eating/sleeping/exercising.

Besides giving a concrete plan of action, if you take care of those, quality of life greatly improves, and you can "build" on that, getting out of the rut.

Not suggestion that one should sleep lesser, but it's more important to have a deep sleep. If one is able to sleep like a log even for 6 to 7 hours, it's extremely helpful.

Except that you may not be able to sleep more than 5 or 6 hours, exactly because of stress / burnout/ depression. I haven't scored a 9 hours night in many years, not because I don't have time for it, not because I would be the kind of people who only need short nights, but because I cannot, even after a sleep deprivation period.

As I've gotten older I can't sleep 9 hours straight like I used to. On days where I only sleep 5-6 hours, I get up to pee and go back to bed and rest for another hour or 2. Sometimes I go back to sleep, sometimes not. But it's interesting, because the days I don't go back to sleep, I spend that hour or 2 half asleep and think about my work (HashBackup). I just let my mind wander to whatever it wants. It's sort of the same thing that happens when I have a programming problem I can't easily figure out, go take a shower or a walk outside, and the answer comes to me. This reduces stress because instead of pounding on a problem, you let your mind solve it more slowly in the background while you are focused on other things.

I had this perspective being involved in a few sports some would consider "extreme" it was a fantastic distraction to be totally engaged in a sport and out in the outdoors with a brilliant community of like-minded friends. However after having a serious injury and witnessing a death of a a couple of friends it didn't seem like fun anymore.

Nowadays family life provides enough of a contrast to work as does a few holidays in the mountains and some day trips hiking in the countryside.

I always respect those that know when to exit.

I had to spend a week in bed once, I discovered the runner's crave that week.

> It's all in your head, for better or worse.

It originates from the head but the impact is on the whole body impacting the HPA and other hormonal systems. And later whatever is controlled by them e.g. body fat. And once it impacts the body additional distress signals may be generated there. Healing obviously needs to take into account the head but that may not be enough.

Prevention and early counter measures are very critical!

>Extreme sports or intense physical exertion have been key, for me, in dealing with daily stress.

But intense physical exertion _is_ stress, so this approach can backfire when your stress load is too high.

I don't know, for me, there's something different between the stress of carrying a 20kg (44 pounds) paraglider up 750m (2460ft) over a 5-35% grade mountain to the launch site in a hurry to catch the noon thermals versus the daily worries that you may, or may not, have any control over.

Probably because one is achievable and you know more or less how much you've got to go and the other is pretty abstract.

Maybe also the fact that one ends pretty soon (not to mention you can stop at any time) and the other goes on for way longer (and maybe you can't stop it).

Sounds like a lot of fun!

I'm not that much of a fan of carrying stuff up a mountain against time, but since we don't have a cable car or any alternatives, you gotta do what you gotta do.

At least I get to fly after that :) ... unless the weather changes

They feel very different, but they both do add Cortisol to your bloodstream... both are similar to your body.

Which is to say... if I wanted to be the #1 code all the time coder in the world, I would not want to be training for an Ironman or something that required 15 hours of fairly high physical stress a week.

Or if I wanted to train for an Ironman, I would not also work for a startup with my hair on fire all the time.

Clearly some people do both. Investment bankers love triathlon in fact. It seems to have negative physical effects after a while though... something has to give..

What if you are afraid of extreme sports? What alternatives would you recommend?

Anything that gets you into flow at a high heart rate. Basketball, lifting, and intense yoga fit this for me. I've read that Tai Chi can fill this as well but I've never tried. Though basketball has given me more serious injuries than skateboarding and snowboarding ever did.

> What if you are afraid of extreme sports?

There's a quote in a jump plane that I really like: "you just have to get comfortable with fear"[1].

> What alternatives would you recommend?

Anything that requires you to be 100% focused on the task at hand, or physical exertion (or even both).

The catch is that you need to feel satisfaction from it, and humans suck at predicting what activity is going to give them satisfaction, that's why it's best to just go ahead and try different stuff, see what works.

You can usually tell within the first few minutes if it's for you or not.

[1] - http://i.imgur.com/zzszs.jpg

I'm chuckling at "You can usually tell within the first few minutes if it's for you or not." in the context of Skydiving. I did a 10kft tandem jump for my first, and it was the first time I'd ever been on a plane. It was terrifying! I was actually more comfortable under the chute than I was in the plane.

You're right though, some activities give me a big ol' "meh", and some make me feel joy right off the bat. Don't know for sure until you try it.

This year's new activity is going to be snowkiting, if we get any snow... (Snowless-November in the Canadian Prairies? What the heck?!)

> I was actually more comfortable under the chute than I was in the plane.

Even after 10 years, the ride to altitude is the scary part for me -- and others that had the decency to admit it -- as soon as I'm out the door, everything calms down in the body, it's weird.

I'm guessing it's because while in the plane you have very little control over what happens, and the exit is especially dangerous because a lot of weight (skydivers) shift to one part of the plane.

> Snowless-November in the Canadian Prairies? What the heck?!

I feel your pain, we haven't had a decent winter in a few years now.

Most "extreme" sports have differing levels of ability. You can start mountain biking on relatively flat smooth trails, and work your way up to more difficult one when you feel more comfortable.

If you live near an indoor rock climbing facility, I'd recommend checking it out! Rock climbing can be done in an "extreme" way, but also can be done in a very beginner-friendly, incremental way.

I climb, have lots of friends who climb who do software. The two seem to go together well.

Yes - it's a wonderfully technical activity.

I did rowing ('crew') at University. There's something quite geeky about rowing - there were 6 CS guys rowing in the boat with me. There's something about perfecting one stroke that you do over and over again. You don't have to be a teenager to start doing it either - most clubs will accept novices of any age.

Take up a musical instrument. Music can be insanely difficult and challenging. You have to be 100% focused on the activity, it has a physical aspect to it, and successes are very rewarding. It's not as physical as extreme sports of course, but is similar to sports in that the more effort you put in to practice (workout) every day, the greater the rewards. IMO it's also good for keeping things like carpal tunnel at bay (I play piano, but most instruments have finger/hand things going on).

Like sports, you are never "there", you are always just getting better. You can take a break and play easier pieces just for fun, challenge yourself and practice difficult pieces, or focus on one specific area for improvement like rhythm/counting, switching from classical to jazz for a while, playing crazy orchestra reductions with way too many notes, improving your ear by trying to play along with pop music, etc.

The other nice thing about music is it's convenient to take a half-hour break from work, play/practice a while, then go back to work. It's funny: while I love playing music, I don't much like listening to it when others are playing it. I can spend 2 hours working on Chopin, but am bored after about 15 minutes listening to classical music, even if it's with someone at a concert. Just doesn't do it for me to listen. Played Fr Horn in a band and that was a lot of fun too, lead to friendships, etc.

If you're into it, music is a huge field that you'll never outgrow, even on a single instrument.