Comment by jplasmeier | Hacker News Reader

Comment by jplasmeier | Hacker News Reader

When I was in elementary school I was singled out as "a genius" because I could add numbers in my head faster than anyone else. I was pretty good at consuming and regurgitating all of the information thrown at us, and I spent a lot of time reading/doing educationally valuable things thanks to my parents (of "ordinary" intelligence, whatever that even means).

Naturally, this went straight to my head, and left me with a lot of latent narcissism around my intelligence.

Around middle school I lost interest in my education and being smart and was no longer the best at school, though I still got A's without much effort. I struggled socially, but I don't think that this was caused by my intelligence; rather an inability to find the right people to do the things I enjoyed with. By the end of high school I was fairly popular, once I started finding those people and others stopped being so socially nepotistic.

By the time I got to college, my smarts were running out and I feel like I've hit an "abstraction ceiling" [0]. Compared to most STEM students towards the "top" of the board, I'm about average or below and very far from "a genius".

It's really difficult for me to continually remind myself of the fact that I was never special, and that there are a lot of people above me who are, because that was such a core part of my identity at a very formative age. That's been the biggest difficulty for me.

[0] - https://anchoragechambermusicfestival.org/new-music-premiere...

But you are special. Maybe not special in the sense that you are guaranteed a certain fame or fortune, but you have the same amount of responsibility as anyone else. This is why people have mid-life crises, they wake up to the fact that they do have a unique self with unique needs, gifts, and values. With limited time remaining, it's crucial to find your gifts and use them to maximum capacity.

For my own mid-life crisis I learned about my personality type and found that I had a bunch of gifts in analysis, measurement, and framework building of which I wasn't aware. So I put them to work and lost 100 pounds. Now I'm trying to FIRE and think it might happen.

If you're interested I recommend Dario Nardi's book, 8 Keys to Self- leadership. It's incredibly dense and the exercises within can't really be completed, or rather, the psychological development opportunities within probably won't be reachable for anybody in their totality. The author says he's still working on the various facets himself. But it'll give you a sense of where your gifts are, and that makes life a lot more bearable.

>"trying to FIRE"

is FIRE an acronym?

Financial Independence/Retiring Early

https://www.reddit.com/r/financialindependence/wiki/faq

> remind myself of the fact that I was never special

I have a tee shirt that reads "PERFECT HUMAN". I love it when people react to it because it says so much about them. I'm not even well groomed. I'm clearly not perfect. But whatever great thing they say, I respond with my favorite line.

"We're all perfect, no?"

"Perfect" is the perfect example because it's so specific, yet ambiguous. It's so imaginable, yet impossible. But that's only if perfect is the goal, and a fact. These are factual issues.

When perfect is made the start line however, it's a philosophy. "Everyone is perfect" isn't a fact but an assertion. And when such an assertion yields positive results, it becomes an axiom, for when you desire those results.

What would the world look like if everyone were perfect? I'm looking at it right now. "We're all sinners, let's behave" becomes "if we're all perfect, why are we sinning?" Sins don't make us imperfect. Perfect people sin. By altering assumptions, the game changes. Reality changes. I prefer this reality, so I enact this axiom. I deal with the imperfect actions of perfect people instead of wasting time ruining reputations or perfecting my own.

With regards to "special" or "genius", we can do the same thing.

Everyone is special. Everything we do is special. Things not working out is just things not working out. It isn't special that needs to get fixed. We just need to make things work.

Everyone is a genius. I can google anything and store everything. I have infinite knowledge and infinite memory and I prefer spreadsheets over any mental arithmetic.

Honestly, the capacity for fluent intellectual literacy may be the greatest cognitive accomplishment by any species, and we (on HN at least) have it. Regardless of whether anyone agrees, the mere fact that anyone who can read can understand what I am writing here and be tickled by it is a testament to the genius of the modern intellectually curious.

When was the last time not being special or not being a genius stopped you?

The only time is when you thought you weren't good enough so you didn't even try. That's it. So I say get over it, do away with it, and just focus on exactly what you want to accomplish. Words have never stopped anybody. It's always "you".

My sister is an engineer, but she also does biking and alpinism. As in, from Paris to Patagonia kind of biking, and 7,000m-summit climbing. And she says, no matter how high and how far you go, how dangerous it gets and how many people admire you, when you do that, you always end up in a group where most people kick ass more than you do.

As for me, at one point I realized happiness is about friends and family. And honesty, having a kid is something I admire as much as climbing summits.

So don't worry that people don't seem to recognize your genius anymore, because people are still quitely admirative of most things that seem usual to you.

I had a similar experience. I was raised as a curious child, with encyclopedias and stuff around, my mom says the first thing I ever said was "what's this?". In elementary school my teacher realised my interest in science and specifically physics and astronomy, gave me a comprehensive set of books on various scientific topics, for children, fifty-sixty books. I read them all, and learned a fair bit of stuff about astronomy, electronics, chemistry, and history of science. Add to that a 120-130 IQ test result, my friends called me the "professor", and in third grade my parents and my elementary school theacher decided that it was better to move me to a private school with "better" education. I took tests at some of the most pricy colleges of the country, and was accepted by a very famous school with full scholarship. This school was the fifth most expensive school in my country and a lot of the richest families had their children study there. During 4th grade I went to both my normal school which was public, and to this other school to catch up on English. And in fifth I switched full-time to the private school. I, as a son of a low-income family, in fact was getting on very well with the other kids there, but a couple years later, I was losing my interest in science and school in general, so my exam grades went down and down. On my way to adolescence, I wanted more friends and fun. So at the end in 7th grade I was moved back to a public school, and this was my big disaster, because, raised among the children of the richest and best families of the country, and with minimal exposure to random kids before that (not many kids in my neighbourhood), I couldn't integrate, and this resulted in me a depression and solitude that dured until my 20ies. As a 23-yrs-old guy, I still live the effects of the experience, though I've overcome the depression.

During high school I was obsessed with becoming normal, like other kids, pretended being an ordinary stupid boy, because I was always marginalised as I never experienced the vulgar street life and basically didn't know how to act in such a setting. I don't want to come off as a snob, but truly my social life was limited to my parents, my brother, three-four well-behaved kids from my street and a bunch of Richie Riches until I was about 14, so go figure. I still am a bit the odd kid but as the years went by I learned to embrace my abnormalities as my distinct personal traits and found out that I wasn't all that unique, but I was without contact to people like me. Seems obvious now, but not so much to a depressed adolescent which I was.

So my recomandation to parents of high-IQ kids would be: make them feel that they're smart, but make them know that this is not that big of a deal, and don't treat them specially or move them to weird schools. I've ended up losing all my interest in becoming a scientist and spending my best years in solitude and depression.

Though there is nothing I can say to change the tough years you endured, I would however like to say to you that the best years are yet to come. Look ahead my friend. There are many years ahead of you.

Rationally, I concede that, in theory, there's a possibility that they may be terrible but you have to concede that given your current levels of self-awareness and your ability to introspect, you have a lot of agency and things may turn out to be much better than those unpleasant years.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you good luck.

This is what I love about internet: when you honestly open your heart even a little bit, you get to read nice and cozy responses like yours. Thanks a lot for the kind words.

I'm certainly way more positive nowadays. Over the years I've accepted myself as I am and have seen that once I am more poised and confident and love myself, I become more and more accepted and liked by others. And when one's nonchalant before the ephemeral stuff, he's more easily content. After adopting these ideas I've begun enjoying life in the last three-four years.

Success is on the path, not at the end of it. You are on the path my friend. Notice it, appreciate it, and enjoy the view. You have overcome depression. Soon enough you will become one who shares your best self with the world. I believe! :)

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