I decide to do something over the weekend may be a small project or learn something new or prepare for interview, but Saturday and Sunday goes by and I do nothing but to browse internet, facebook, youtube and going through links.
At the end of Sunday, I feel like, I wasted my weekend and get little bit depressed.
If anyone has gone through process, can you please share how to got out of this loop on every week end?
I used to have similar issues. It was mostly down to procrastination and overwork/stress.
Weekends were really bad since I was so busy/stressed from the week that I would get into an attitude of "i'll start doing it in an hour" and eventually it was so late that it was too late to get any work done. I had a lot to do, just very little impetus to do it now.
Fixed it by starting to smoke pot. Not even kidding. I set a timeline for my weekends for when I was working and when I was done. When I work, I work. When I'm done, I go smoke. Basically every weekend for a few months.
I've probably tripled, if not more, my weekend productivity by giving myself a defined period of work and a defined period of relaxation and a reward for getting there.
If the reason is latter, I wouldn't worry too much. But in order to make my weekends or off days productive, I try to sneak in a small share of web browsing on working days - it basically works like rest/sleep. As for former, I let the interest or necessity generate naturally and not force myself to do something useful and think its a crime to relax.
I personally find that the time I spend distracted on the internet does not rejuvenate my brain. To actually do this I need to sleep, go for a walk, build something physical, or hang out with friends. YMMV, but you should take some time to examine yourself and discover what genuinely refreshes you.
I hope by 'you' you mean 'one'.
If your stress level steadily rises from Monday to Friday, you'll need the weekend to wind down. This is the first problem to solve. Do fun things in the week days to wind down before the weekend (ideally wind down every day). What are fun things? I can recommend some ideas, but its different for everyone, but getting some form of physical execise is a BIG plus. Walk, run, swim, play... whatever floats your boat.
How to approach the weekend project? This is what works for me. Breakdown the weekend project into really small pieces. I don't mean you make a project plan for the weekend project. Just find the first one or two mini goals, something you can accomplish in an hour. Hit the mini goals. If you don't feel motivated to hit the mini goals. Find out why and iterate. Maybe try a 15 minute goal. Maybe a different project. The point is make really small nudges in the direction you want to go. If it doesn't work, find out why and fix it. When small nudges start working, it'll build up momentum and will eventually become a full weekend project! Have fun! That's the whole point of weekend projects!
First take a look at this from a few days ago: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12734671 on a book: Deep Work. Basically just some of the tactics ADHD people have been using for ages.
The whole world seems to have developed some mild sub clinical ADD thanks to social and phones. So first off don't be surprised you're struggling.
Understand that web browsing and social are variable reward machines. Click a link and you have another new snippet to read, or video to see. Each one gives you a reward and a small dopamine boost. Now compare with preparing for interview, or thinking about a side project. Where's the rewards? Later. Maybe not even today! It's a luxury cheesecake vs diet fruit portion question.
Look at the pomodoro technique and break tasks up with small rewards. 25 mins productive, 5 mins social (if you can stop at the next beep). Get a cheap $5 kitchen timer to sit next to you. If your willpower is lacking, add a browser extension to set limits on social cheesecake sites. If the phone is main distraction add an app to silence notifications, or remove the strongest distractions - the social ones!
Same goes for desktop on your laptop - remove the candy, set it up for productivity. Maybe separate logins - one for productivity, one that permits you near the fun stuff. :p
For god's sake don't keep todo lists and such on your phone. Turn phone off, use a notebook, post it or pad, or text file on the laptop! Otherwise you're now holding the crack, and hoping not to be tempted. Just 5 minutes, I can handle it...
Accept that your attention will wander, and get used to checking in and trying to bring it back. That timer helps. If you struggle add another timer to beep every few minutes - as a checkin. Don't get depressed if you trip up. Forgive yourself, and try again - you're building a new habit, and that will take time and many mistakes.
Last, lots of exercise, fluids, healthy eating and breaks away from keyboard will keep you fresh.
To that last point, I believe both of us could benefit from the "GTD" (David Allen) approach. In particular, utilize the "Clarify" step to write out 1-3 small things you want to do each day. Instead of setting yourself up to "build a small thing" or "learn a subject," split the day's tasks into easy stuff like "init git repo" or "read first chapter of intro to Go."
But, if your week burns you out (my main motivation for a lack of will on the weekends) you may be better off resting. Schedule your downtime in addition to your learning/project time. Give yourself time before and after your project to zone out and click links aimlessly. And, if it suits you, get a buddy to be accountable with. Someone who's going to ask you on Sunday evening if you've taken at least one step toward your goal. Hope this comment helps.
I read an article some time ago that I cannot find. It stated that extreme procrastination is the result of a form of drug abuse: we need our daily dose of fb, youtube, etc to keep us functioning, but that takes all the time, and when we realize we wasted another day, it makes us sad, and the cycle begins anew. It is also no secret that these sites are designed to be addictive.
This article might help you too (well, the original, but I couldn't link that because, most likely, the author of the original essay procrastinated the renewal of the web page for too long, and it cannot be reached): https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/sep/07/change-...
[1] https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/willpower-limited-resource.pd...
Its a common theme that appears in most books (heck Just Fucking Ship is a whole book on this) and I have noticed this over time with different people but never understood it.
Is there a psychological reason behind this? Is it something that needs to be overcome with the ways listed here? I guess what I am asking is why is that many cannot just decide to do something and do it without trying to hold themselves accountable using techniques.
If I find myself unable to do the things I want to do, I have to ask: do I really want to do these things, or do I just want to want to do them?
Let's say I'm convinced I need to learn a new programming language / library, and study to interview for a new job. But is this new language or new job really the thing that's missing in my life?
Maybe what I really want to do is make some music, or explore my neighborhood. Maybe part of me knows I should be going out, meeting girls, getting married, and starting a family.
When you try to make yourself work on things that don't address your real needs, you end up with priority inversion. If you find yourself saying "I can't do anything until X is done, yet I can't make myself do X", that could be a sign to say "Fuck X, what I really want to do is Y."
The real issue is that some humans have a harder time integrating their short-term and long-term desires.
Leaving your abandoned project in a somewhat "working state" can go a long way to facilitate this.
It can also just be a matter of not encountering tools or techniques that they can apply to their daily life. As great as a book or system can be, it doesn't really do any good if you can't figure out how to apply it to your own life.
Saying that people lack discipline can even be counter productive. It is incredibly exhausting to hear that you're undisciplined while you're simultaneously fighting to accomplish a fraction of things you want to do, much less need to do. Once you've heard this enough, it can seem futile to even try, and you can start to wonder if there's something wrong with you.
I've personally experienced this while dealing with ADHD and Depression in my life, but, as my grandfather used to say "Different strokes for different folks"
For some of us it is a constant struggle.
My biggest contributors for this specific thing (weekend procrastination) are probably:
* fear of investing a lot of time without being able to finish (I get interrupted all the time outside of work). This might sound stupid, but it is really draining me to the point where when I was younger and not married I'd go to bed shortly after work, wake up and go to the office in the middle of the night just to get something I wanted to do done.
* fear of failure, coupled with perfectionism, leading to hesitation while I wait or even more dangerous, search for the perfect solution. I worked my way towards "sloppiness", telling myself it is only a draft, I can always get back to it later etc. Helpful resources: "Cult of Done" http://www.manifestoproject.it/bre-pettis-and-kio-stark/ as well as "The Now habit" by Neil Fiore.
Now for anyone who doesn't struggle: there is nothing here (unless you want to be a good boss that happens to magically make people like us output more good stuff in shorter time while enjoying work).
Because levels of motivation matter. A lot of times, people want to have things, not necessarily make them; it's the difference between being interested vs driven to do something. E.g. A person wanting and daydreaming about having a wooden scale model yacht may want to design it but not actually want go through the building process.
There is also the issue of discipline and temperament: A person driven by nautical design or related toys may not go far if they often lack the discipline to finish what they start and/or get bored easily.
Ultimately, successful side-projects require a combination of factors, not just desire.
After that, it's easier to actually work on computer-y things. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can do thought-heavy things all the time. You need physical activity! Mind and body must both be healthy in order for either of them to work at the highest levels.
2. Identify steps required to reach it, write them down. It's better to do it with pen and paper, no to-do apps or anything like it.
3. Take the first step right away, do not postpone it.
4. Log your progress and time on each step. Archievements and failures too.
5. At the end of the day look through your log, asess your achievements on 10 grade scale, set goals for tomorrow.
I usually block sites in my /etc/hosts file. It's not a ton of work to unblock them but it's enough that when I go to facebook and it doesn't load more often then not I will alt-tab back to my editor or something productive.
Here's the link: http://calnewport.com/books/deep-work/
On the surface, you clearly don't have passion driving what it is you want to do. I can relate to this because I'm learning to code. It was a struggle until I found Codewars, at which point I was able to easily turn on some music and sink hours at a time solving coding challenges. Turns out that the skill of solving these things doesn't transfer to.. anything. I struggle to sit still going through any tutorial and I still have no idea how to build things. So, on the surface, find something that motivates you.
Digging deeper, this inability to finish anything I start seems like a personal issue. I've worked a lot harder than this before. I think there are facets of my life, and probably yours, that need to be put into order first.
There's a satisfaction with life that I've had before and currently it's missing. I'm unable to stick with anything because I immediately seek cheaper forms of satisfaction. I think attaining a more genuine satisfaction with myself would eliminate this urge. Maybe you feel similar.
Also it obviously sucks to do things alone. Meetups, even when they lead to nothing, are still a big source of motivation. Personally I notice my productivity correlates with how often I'm going to meetups.
Although, I do have my share of procrastination but I have gotten a lot better than I was an year back when I used to spend all the free-time on movies. This weekend, I read lots of New Yorker articles, a small book, and finished writing an article. To an extent, I think I can do better by working on a small side-project but then again, there is always room to feel guilty.
You just have to hate wasting time and gradually, things will get better. There is no secret sauce towards working; if we had Facebook wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar company.
[1]: https://shubhamjain.co/2015/06/28/why-productivity-tricks-do...
Every day you get 86400 minutes offered to you. You can either not do anything with it or use it to accomplish your goals.
Time is on of the only things you can't buy. Every one is equal on this level, this si the most precious and the most volatile ressource everyone has.
But first you must define your goals precisely.
So stop whatever you are doing, get a piece of paper and write what you want to accomplish within 1 week, 1 month, 1 year.
That done, try planning your week ends so that you get shit done and eventually your accomplish your 1 week, 1 month, 1 year goal.
Helpful to keep to you schedule : identify your "time stealer". All those things that wast your time like useless tv, uninterested facebook posts and so on. Realize that every minute you spend doing something you consider useless is wasted.
Then, most important, try getting some rest BEFORE being tired : that way you won't procrastinate in the "I might rest just a little while before i get to it" spirit.
I hope this can be helpful to you. I just spend the last year trying to get out of the loop you're talking about so I know exactly how you feel about it. I'm succeeding one little step after the other.
It's a lot of discipline, but I can tell you the trip is worth the effort.
- Have a specific plan in mind, not a generalized "learn something new"
- On Tuesday, post on facebook asking a friend if they want to do a work-along day on any hobbies. Then hop on appear.in together or hang out in person.
- Keep yourself well-fed and well-rested.
Once I get back into the house, I've burned off some energy and can focus on my side project. For whatever reason if I sit in front of the computer all weekend I have a hard time getting started.
Next weekend try this:
For every 55 min of YouTube/Facebook etc, put in 5 min of serious work. Just 5. But be disciplined about this schedule. Time yourself so that you don't do a minute more of the work!
Learn the schedule habit first.
Pause on that word: decision. We all have impulses, wishes, desires, etc. But you're only ever going to progress when you stop, think about what you want, be realistic with if you can actually achieve that with everything else going in your life - then DECIDE that you are going to do it.
Once you've decided, that is when you follow through every time (if you've done the first steps correctly). Then it's basically autopilot and you don't ever feel like procrastinating. I dunno - works for me.
Life is a process of self-discovery and adaptation. I actually agree with you, that simple 'decision' carries immense power. But if that power is wasted or ill spent, then future uses of that power carry a pall of distrust, which makes the power harder to use.
I cannot find the quote right now, but it is something like: "Some have inside themselves a volcano, and some have a glacier. Neither should take advice meant for the other."
I have a volcano in my heart, and I can spend many lifetimes spewing forth lava in all directions, for the ultimate good of no one. My lifelong struggle is to learn how best to focus that energy.
But be careful if you are a glacier, that you don't tell a younger version of myself to just start spewing in any direction. Likewise, I won't tell you to stop and make sure that you're moving in the right direction before you take any steps at all.
Waking up at noon ruins the day for me. YMMV
2) Limiting the things you want to do. I had this nagging feeling that I should read all the interesting articles that come across in HN etc. I solved but installing a "save to wunderlist" chrome extension. I tell myself that I would read it later (which rarely happens).
If you genuinely feel like you want to keep up with news, switch to podcasts. Then, get your news while you tidy your flat, do laundry, or buy groceries.
I try to get outside and move every day that I can. I surf on weekends and it makes my life a lot better. Then the day is already in the "win" category, so if I feel like working on something, there's less pressure.
And if i was doing something unproductove like youtube facebook etc I closed the tab.
Another thing was that instead of theorycrafting and worrying about O(n) for the smallest projects ever I just went ahead and got something running. Its pretty easy to be disappointed if you cant see your results.
For preparing for interviews you dont really need the internet. Just get a piece of paper and use the cracking the coding book.
Again, this helped me a little bit, YMMV
Failing that, have you considered getting a cabin in the woods? Or maybe a boat? Get as far as you can from an internet connection, as often as you can.
The red is harsh and makes you feel ashamed, which makes you want to escape into the world of reading about the Great Boston Molasses Flood.
Shame is one of the most powerful tools to get us to change behavior, which is why it's so naturally ingrained in our brains. But again some people find it too harsh to the point they work less and/or may even have so little self-discipline that they'd disable the add-on; so my "YMMV" message stands :).
I've watched most Pando Monthly interviews, most Foundation interviews (Kevin Rose), much of Y Cominator's youtube account - after having missed Startup School '16 live I messaged them asking to upload. Not sure if that was why but shortly after they started releasing SS videos for the first time in 2 years (though they've only eeked out 3 videos so far). I actually fell asleep listening to the Startup Radio podcast last night - I'm listening to it currently - and I'm reading novel. And this is just the flavor of the week. None of this is changing the fact that my productivity is close to zero.
The elimination of perceived bad habits just creates a vacuum waiting to be filled by a different vice. It's a pretty common concept of replacing bad habits with good and I think it's smart to take a holistic approach; mixing career related goals with personal ones, and probably going a little heavier on the personal ones.
An alternative would be to go so hard on the career goals that they begin to give you personal fulfillment, but I don't think that's easily attained.
TV is more complex, I can definitely waste lots of time trying to figure out what to watch, but, having a pre-made playlist of lots of fluffy TV (think 40+ seasons of law&order reruns all mixed up) provides a good background noise for me to work.
Internalized guilt over not being "productive" isn't helpful.
Fix your home environment so that it doesn't encourage you to sloth.
But I used to plan such things like trips.
Met with a friend (or alone) and we coded the weekend (or week) away.