Introvert Hangovers Can Be Really Rough | Hacker News Reader

Introvert Hangovers Can Be Really Rough

nymag.com

45 pointsbootload12 comments

This article didn't resonate with me for various reasons. Probably because I don't really believe in the extrovert / introvert dichotomy.

It's not a hangover in the classic sense for me. I don't believe I'm a genuine introvert because I much prefer socializing to being a loner but it has to be with the right group of people. I go on phases where I spend a lot of effort trying to connect with others (e.g. clubs, bars, meetups, parties etc) and then it abruptly stops usually due to what I perceive is a low ROI.

At least 95% of the new people I met the past X months will 'disappear', I will get melancholy over this, become even more withdrawn, and then X months afterwards when I feel up for it I will start going out again (rinse / wash / repeat).

That same mag has an article on introvert-extrovert hybrids: http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/07/ambiverts-are-introvert...

Maybe that will resonate, maybe not.

I'm skeptical of the dichotomy too, and that article really honestly only strengthens my concerns with the theory. (If you need an out from your binary theory because it's insufficiently descriptive, consider ditching the model.)

There are settings and people I like interacting with and others I don't. This is probably close to universal, though we might disagree on the settings and people.

Public speaking is scary and awkward, until I've done it a couple times that year, then it gradually gets easier and more fun. The number of times probably varies, but people generally have some anxiety about novel experiences and adapt over time.

I wouldn't mind a pop sci theory if I didn't think it was doing harm. But I've repeatedly seen people buy into the introvert idea so much they refuse to believe they are good speakers, even when audiences love their talks. They insist they are bad speakers because they are an introvert. It's heartbreaking to hear.

People from Myers Briggs will insist that's a misunderstanding of the theory, but that's how a lot of people internalize it.

I doubt anyone actually thinks it is a dichotomy. Everything I've seen on the subject just uses the terms "introvert" and "extrovert" as references to the extreme ends of the scale: the 10% of people most extroverted and the 10% of people most introverted.

I think that is it a scale of introversion/extroversion, with probably a normal distribution of "average" people who can deal with more social activity than "introverts" but can't take quite as much as "extroverts."

I think a lot of it for me has to do with the ways I often feel that I'm expected to be social; there are times when I'm around other people, and we are both sitting quietly working on stuff, and I really enjoy that kind of time with other people. For this reason, I live libraries. But some of it is truly just needing to be with myself.

I was going to write something in the lines of the first comment of the original article, but since @LauraBloomify beat me to it, I'll just copy/paste it here since HN almost always provides a more interesting discussion:

"To continue with the alcohol metaphor, when over-socialised I become a mean drunk, without the drunk part. I've learned, no matter what the social consequences, it's better for me to leave abruptly than stay and explode."

I hypothesize that introverts have a stronger need for some kinds of harmony or order which is disrupted by the messiness of social interactions. When "relaxing", introverts would then enjoy reading good books, cleaning, meditating, etc. Checks out for me.

I think everyone needs time to unwind, the difference comes down to attitude, strategies for dealing with social situations and practice so it becomes muscle memory and therefore less tiring. I know for me I didn't get the best experiences socialising when growing up. Then I went out clubbing nearly every weekend and become much better. Now I'm married and I've fallen back into old habits I don't deal with new social situations so well any more.

The "recharge" analogy resonates with me.

But solitude (at least for me) isn't just about not being around people, as if people are some kind of negative stimulus, like an allergen.

Solitude is more like a basic need for me, and too much socializing is like being starved of that need.

my favorite way to recover from over-socialising is to spend an hour or two in front of the computer. It can be even at the party - as long as nobody comes to me and talks.

I imagine even the most Type A extrovert gets worn down after spending 3 consecutive days with the same people?

I don't think the introvert/extrovert thing really factors in. If you spend X amount of time with person Y, you need a break from person Y.

There is a view that what is known as introversion should instead be viewed as a very sensitive personality

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_processing_sensitivity

Are we at Peak Introvert Coddling?

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