>So I'm on the austism spectrum... I also suffer from depression... I still have noticeable anxiety in social situations, and I tend to avoid them whenever I can...
Is this self-diagnosed or do you have a formal diagnosis from a clinician? I would recommend getting a formal diagnosis if you don't have one, as it offers you certain legal protections and opens some options for help. All of the things that you describe are well known syndromes and are, to varying degrees, treatable. I recommend seeking a psychiatrist / therapist at a teaching hospital, if you can, as you have a better chance of getting higher quality care.
>I've spent my whole life trying and failing to start my own thing so I can get away from people...
Aside from a few extraordinary talented individuals, the day of the solitary hacker is over; software engineering is a team sport.
What worked for me is to:
1) Accept that you're not going to fit socially in the way that normal people do. Aloofness, as long as it's not taken to extremes, is actually OK.
2) Find professional aspects that you are willing to work extra hard in in that others will value, e.g. hard working, willing to take on dirty jobs, or developing a technical specialty. People are willing to forgive your social limitations if you are of value and not otherwise unpleasant to be around.
3) (The following is going to sound extremely weird to people not suffering from autism.) Develop an synthetic set of social behaviors that cater to your limitations. For example, I memorize certain canned responses to use during short social interactions and use other other techniques to cut the interaction short if needed to in order to prevent awkwardness from arising.