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Comment by jacquesm | Hacker News Reader

If you get knowledge like this from books beware of coming across as a fake. If your knowledge is good and you're a genuine (as opposed to fake) person then over time you will gain influence, based on your track record and your personality.

Fast tracking it by reading a book is not really a solution here.

The classic book that literally is called 'how to win friends and influence people' ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influenc... ), in spite of being an all time best seller is a book whose readers you can spot from about a mile away but it has a dedicated following.

Excel at what you do and be genuine and nice to people and you'll go very far without needing any books that turn you in to just another glib talker.

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In defense of "How to win friends and influence people", its title makes it sound more manipulative than it is. (Relatedly, it may not be the book the original poster is looking for.)

Way back when I read it, I hadn't given thought to all the issues it addresses and it really opened my eyes. Maybe you can spot people that try to apply it as a tool "from a mile away" - however, I suspect it is a best seller because it has helped nudge lots of people towards having more positive interactions with others. I don't remember much phoney-ness in the book, although I could imagine phoney people applying its advice poorly.

I'm currently giving this book a first reading. From a Cognitive standpoint, I can understand how the author wants people to start putting themselves in other's shoes. It's a great piece of advice all-around, but when used insincerely, it can be very manipulative.

I've heard of the Dale Carnegie book and other similar ones like them. Its not exactly what I'm looking for.

I like to think I'm an OK guy and I am usually genuinely interested in people... however, I'm quite the geek and sometimes lack empathy.

For my current company, I'm going out and meeting a lot of non-tech people, and to tell you the truth, I think the approach needs to be different.

For instance, I think my usual geek garb of a witty t-shit and jeans does not cut it with the people I'm going to have to meet very soon.

I feel like I'm going to jump in a sea of sharks and I need to learn some sea kung fu

If you are going to read 'how to win friends and influence people', be sure to get one of the earlier non-political correct versions. It's a book worth reading, but of course you should apply your mind and not follow it slavishly.

By the way, the parent post's advise is more than compatible with that book.

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