Ask HN: I am 21 and lost
Hello I am 21 and seem lost. I can't seem to figure out what is it that I want to do with my life. The friendships that I have seem false, why is that. Has someone past through this same experience?
As an illustrating example, I don't know what you mean by "friendships are false." What do you mean by that? Do you have many acquaintances and no close friends or were you recently betrayed by someone whom you consider a close friend? This is something you need to sit down with someone else and talk about.
[0] With respect to this, many people say they don't know what they want to do until they do it, but then again, some people know from when they are 6 they want to be a doctor/scientist/professor and, lo and behold, that guides their life and they do it. It really depends on your personality and goals and that can only be weened out of a 1-on-1 conversation, IMO, again, very few general principles here.
It may be different for you though, you may want these people to like you or be your friend, so perhaps you can't do that?
Again, I suggest talking to a counselor who would probably have better experience dealing with different types of people.
I think many of the folks who don't feel lost (or feel less so) operate on some measure of momentum, following a well-trodden path of finish secondary/high school, get degree, get job, [get family] (last step is optional). Those tend to consume enough cycles that there's none left over to feel lost.
People who take a step back and ask "what am I even doing here? Why would I want this job over that one?" would probably find more frustration than those who don't.
Friendships are a real challenge. It requires significant investment to find friends to begin with. If somehow they turn out to not be good friends, you must keep searching for new ones. Keep in mind that friendships require you to work for your part in the friendship as well. If you're lucky enough to have friends at your workplace, that's a huge win.
Thank you.
Yes, that sounds pretty normal for someone your age. My advice would be stay fit and healthy (eat, sleep, exercise properly) and think about smaller goals that you can realistically achieve rather than dwelling on the big picture too much. For what it's worth I think a lot of people find their teens and twenties a pretty hard time (I certainly did) so don't think you are alone in that. You don't have to know all the answers right now.
About the false friendships thing -- perhaps they are and perhaps not, I suspect it's a combination of not having met people you really click with, over thinking things, and a general effect of your particular age that you're still finding where you fit in.
If you can, keep open communication with your parents/grandparent/siblings and close friends about what you around going through, or a counselor or other trusted adult if you need (there's no shame in getting some good advice about life and help to sift through your thoughts)
Maybe don't frame it as "figuring out what to do with my life" as a whole but rather many smaller experiences which will eventually add up to the whole thing.
Most people can't estimate and plan a 3 month IT project particularly accurately, let alone entire lifetime!
:)
Focusing on small things/projects is what I will start doing. The last thing you wrote reminded me of something I had already long forgotten. Sincerely thank you.
You may discover satisfaction, peace and fulfillment. However, these are the result of living an engaged life, not really objectives on their own.
Find a purpose. I recommend a selfless one that allows you to be of value to other people. Commit to it fully, exhaust it or fail at it. Then move on to the next purpose.
Using this approach you will learn about yourself and develop relationships that are based on more than vicinity, common interest or some superficial social norm.
The silver-lining is that you are asking these questions. I'd argue that someone who thinks they have figured it out risks becoming blind to their full potential.