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Comment by bennettfeely | Hacker News Reader

I just want to say the style of the article and it's direct, terse language really captures the gravity of the situation and seriousness of the subject.

Very sad, but very well written.

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Two years ago and a day, I could read this and understand the gravity. Two years ago my daughter was born, and now I can't read this, or see commercials from CHOP, or anything else similar without my eyes filling with tears.

I don't know how people lose a child and come back from it. I say I can't imagine, but I do, and it terrifies me.

They don't. They are different people. Their old life ended the day their child died.

Indeed this is pretty close to it. It's funny the things which can throw you off too. Striking up a conversation with someone and they ask how many kids you have, or if you are going to try again for that boy or girl. Sometimes it's easy, but Some days it will tip your emotional canoe more than you were expecting.

I can't even begin to imagine your pain. It's inadequate, but I'm so sorry for your loss.

Exact same boat. My entire life I would consider myself stoic, just generally not moved to tears for anything. I've felt sad, tremendously sad before about things that have had other people losing their minds around me, but crying never really seemed part of my process.

Then the first child came and I can't stand more than a passing glance of kids in war torn areas or have to shut off a news clip where some monster did something awful to a child. My blood boils and my heart shatters nearly instantly.

1 second after my first child was born I realized I had only two fears for the rest of my life: not being a good enough dad and living longer than any of my children.

Many of us fall in this boat- we're untouchable until presented with something we have no control over, and unfortunately fail to realize it until we're thrown into the thick of it.

When my wife went into labor at 26w with #2, it hit like a ton of bricks. I remember vividly sitting in the atrium at LPCH after being told she was going to deliver within the day, and we didn't know what her issues were ("any handful of genetic disorders are likely") I lost it. That moment, seared in my memory. I had an hour alone to digest before I had to go back and be strong for her, and to this day, she hasn't asked me what I did, what I thought. She can look at me and tell by the tears in my eyes what I went through.

And then the NICU director came to visit us, and reminded us, "take the long perspective, there will be ups, there will be downs. But for every down, she's still here fighting to be just like any other normal baby. Thrive on the fact that she wants that more than you'll ever know or the other kids will ever know, and we're going to do our damnedest to deliver that."

Now 18m later, she's doing better than any of them would have predicted. And not a day goes by that I can't see a LPCH commercial without losing it...

To the author and all other doctors...my full admiration for what they go through, the miracles they work, and the strength they confer to families in their most vulnerable times...

Like any parent, it's something you never want to think about and pray it never happens. I have a few friends that have lost a child. I've only discussed it with one of them. He told me all about it during work. He recounted the smallest details and the circumstances like it happened the day before (it was 17 years after it happened). I asked him whether it ever gets any easier and does he still think about his boy. He told me no, it never gets easier and he thinks about him everyday. He pulled out a chain on his neck and there was a little anchor on it. He said he had got it for his son when he was born because they were going to be fishing buddies. That look on his face afterwards, just emptiness. I told him I had to go to the can and went and sat in a stall, bawled my eyes out for a good 10 minutes while I got my shit together.

Having kids of my own I can't even imagine how fucking insane it would be. Don't even want to think about it.

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